I find it kind of annoying that people like stories so much. Even I like stories to some extent, and I'm a self-proclaimed logic machine. When I first shared these essays with a few friends, everyone said, “I like the parts where you tell a story about yourself!”
Of course that's what you like, you predictable natural automaton. Because you can't handle the cold, hard truths of the kind I would prefer to be spitting at you. So, we'll compromise. I'll sneak the points I want to make into semi-stories. Like this one.