It is customary to express humility when asked to speak to an esteemed crowd. But I find that anyone who uses the word “humbled” is quite the opposite. If I ever got invited to speak at, say, a commencement ceremony of an elite institution, I would start my speech as such: “Hello, class of 2041! I am just so humbled to be here.” [pause to accept light applause and soak in the moment]

“…is what people like me say at times like these. But, me? I’m not in the slightest. I’ll be honest. Before I got invited to speak here today, I didn’t think I was that great. But being asked to impart wisdom to all you overachieving straight-A students, well, I’m just gonna say it: this is as objective an affirmation as there comes that I am, in fact, superior to every one of you. If one of you were better than me, you would have pulled a Hillary Rodham and been your own damn commencement speaker.”

“In all seriousness, what an honor my being here…must be for all of you. And what a boost to my ego this all has been as well. So, whatever the opposite of humbled is, that is what I am to be here.”