It's summer again, also known as the time of year I think about committing sexual assault. Now, whoa, hold on, let me explain. First of all, I'm a man and don't claim to be free of male shittiness. For example, if I see a woman on the subway platform whose posterior I find endearing, I'll think to myself, damn girl, I’d like to bite your butt! I might even imagine myself performing this act. And then I’ll think about something else. I will have made certain that no one sees me sneaking the split-second peek.

It is technically true that I would like to bite that butt. But, I obviously would never do such a thing outside the confines of, say, an intimate, consensual butt-biting relationship. It should go without saying I would never remotely consider doing such a thing to a stranger on a subway platform. That’s sexual assault.

But I did have the thought. I had a fleeting contemplation of an act that would legally constitute molestation. Mega yikes.

So, that’s abhorrent, right? …Right?? Well, maybe not. In considering my heinous thought, I actually think it might be totally fine. I have even felt comfortable sharing this, not to mention all of my other dark, vile, bigoted private thoughts with you here in this book.

Why?? Because, dear reader, I have it on tremendous authority that you, in the confines of your own mind, have disturbingly dark thoughts, too.