Life has been evolving for a while. Did you know there’s a thing called a galactic year? It refers to the time it takes for our solar system to circle the center of our galaxy, the Milky Way. A galactic year is a bit longer than an Earth year; specifically, it’s about 225 million Earth years long. With this time scale, our universe is looking fi-i-ine at 61 galactic years of age.

Our galaxy is almost as old at 60. And our solar system and planet are in their 19 and 18, respectively. The most primitive forms of life showed up 15 galactic years ago. Then, eight galactic hours ago, the first human was born! What an adorable baby species! Aww, right? Aww.

Yet, in those eight precious hours of life, and more specifically in the most recent 20 galactic seconds after a trio of idiots introduced the internal combustion engine, Freon, and factory farming, we have managed to fuck things up so bad for our planet that our beloved Mother Nature, but a teenage mom herself, most certainly wishes in retrospect she had gotten that late-term abortion.

Because at the precocious rate we are growing in population and vomiting CO2, there’s quite literally minimal hope, thanks to us, that mammals themselves will last more than another few galactic minutes.