I suspect a non-zero number of women have broken up with me because they couldn’t pronounce my name, and it was easier for them to say, “Hey dude, I don’t think this is going to work” than it was for them to say, “So I, uh, know we spent two months getting to know each other.

But I actually don’t know if it’s nick-EEL or nick-ELL or, haha, is it nickel, like the five-cent denomination? Would you, uh, mind clarifying that for me?

For the record, I pronounce it nick-khill, which is close enough to nick-kill. But you’ll never know that, now will you, Madeline?