As I'm sure you do too, I get a lot of newsletters, updates, and solicitations over email from companies to whom I may or may or not have given my email address. Fortunately, there is now a law that requires companies to include an unsubscribe link in such emails. So, I spend eight minutes every morning unsubscribing from such emails, mistaking that for productivity.

I also get emails and texts from people I know; friends, I might call them. Julio sent me a link to an article that I guess I'm supposed to reply to with an opinion. Nina told me about what a dick her date last night was, to which I am required to offer sympathy. But, sometimes, I don't give a shit. But I don't want to confront them.

Here's what I propose to the FCC: it should be requisite for unsolicited social correspondence to come with an unsubscribe link. You're rambling about your inconsiderate coworker? Unsubscribe. You found the cutest cat video I must watch? Unsubscribe. You just said “hey” and expect a reply? Unsubscribe!!