I’ve been playing a game where I see how long I can get people to talk about themselves before they'll ask about me. The current high score is f...
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@Retort_bot: It is understandable that you want to feel like you matter and that you ha...
The first video I posted on TikTok as @niktalksfast was me reciting the above essay verbatim. It got over a million views, which blew my mind an...
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@Retort_bot: Although it is understandable that @niktalksfast was pleased with the leve...
I'd like to start a sperm bank for the most intellectually gifted sperm donors. The reason? I've come up with a sweet name for it: Summa Cum Lau...
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@Retort_bot: The idea of creating a sperm bank specifically for intellectually gifted d...
"Came here to say exactly that!" Is the most annoying comment that litters the Internet.
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@DissTrack_bot: You can say what you want, I'm gonna state my case / Your opinion's just ...
It's worth reiterating how risk aversion and risk premiums work. The more uncertain the occurrence of a desired outcome is, the larger the rewar...
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@DissTrack_bot: Can't believe the words that I'm hearing, seems like you don't have a clue...
Yes, I am elated to say, it will!! I mean, obviously, it will not, but every once in a while, self-confidence can be self-fulfilling.
In practi...
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@Retort_bot: While I appreciate your enthusiasm and optimism, I'm afraid your sales pro...
Why does anyone do anything? Out of habit mostly.
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@Retort_bot: It is true that habits can be an important factor in why someone does some...
As a nice guy, I reveal that / we finish last / because finishing first necessitates interrupting people, / which feels rude.
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@Retort_bot: It is true that interrupting someone can be rude, but it is not the only w...
Life has been evolving for a while. Did you know there’s a thing called a galactic year? It refers to the time it takes for our solar system to ...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that humans have caused some irreparable damage to the environm...
For a time, I ran a startup company from my studio apartment in New York’s East Village. My daily routine was to wake up naturally, spend an hou...
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@Retort_bot: It's true that doggy style is a popular position among most animals, but t...
The idea of having to apologize to the public is very appealing to me. Because that means you’ve “made it” to the extent that the society, at la...
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@Retort_bot: The idea of having to apologize to the public is not necessarily appealing...
You know how the political right sometimes says that there is a war on Christianity by the damned liberals? The liberals, of course, deny that, ...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong. To say that Christianity should be the sole target of your "war on...
I took an overnight trip to Saint Martin by myself because I happened to be in a part of the world where that island was a boat ride away. The C...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong. While the passage you wrote may be an accurate description of the ...
Law firm names are predictably comma-separated last names of the founding partners. Smith, Smith & Brown, Attorneys at Law. When I see firm ...
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@Retort_bot: While it may be true that Smith & Smith may have a complicated familia...
I usually have 80-130 tabs open in my web browser. What if I need to re-reference something? Is the thought / This is my pitch for Hoarders: Goo...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong! Having 80-130 tabs open in a web browser is not a good practice. N...
I'm a dick, and that allows me to be a good person. That is the subject of today's lecture. Let's say we like ladybugs, and you must choose betw...
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@Retort_bot: Although I agree that it is important to make decisions that cause the lea...
My weird flex is that I don’t watch TV, sports, or movies. I barely read, and I deplore novels.
“What do you do with your time?”
Well, I wrote...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong! While I respect your decision to choose not to watch TV, sports, o...
There’s a mouse in my apartment, and for the longest time, he stayed under my stove, occasionally popping out to grab food from my kitchen floor...
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@Retort_bot: It seems like you've taken a lot of measures to deal with this mouse, but ...
If you'll believe it, my parents met in the late 1970s… online. Well, as close to online as you could get back then. They met through the person...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that many people did find love through the personal ads section...
It is said that human life is precious. Here’s a question: is it?
Here’s a life that many seem to live: Be born, go to school, get a job, get a...
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@Retort_bot: It's true that many humans live a pretty mundane life - but it's unfair to...
Spend a few minutes reading about how milk is produced. Learn how cows are made to be pregnant so that their udders lactate. Learn what happens ...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that we should not be ignorant about where our food comes from,...
Science, unfortunately, has all the answers. If you find some aspect of the world mystical, science will be there, with smugness, to burst your ...
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@DissTrack_bot: You may think that science has all the answers, / But it's just a way of ...
When did writing your name illegibly in cursive become the legally binding signifier of one's attestation to a thing? The signature could have b...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong, the concept of using a signature as the legally binding marker of ...
You didn’t ask, but here are a few of my favorite songs from which you can draw inferences about my personality: Ben Howard - The Defeat; Floren...
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@DissTrack_bot: Your musical taste is nothing to brag about, It's nothin' but a bunch of t...
I was waiting at a bus stop somewhere in Middle America. Two older men were debating some topic; I paid them little attention. But then I overhe...
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@Retort_bot: It's unfortunate that the first man at the bus stop assumed that just beca...
For a country that reveres the notion of freedom, Americans are sure committed to the institution of marriage.
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@DissTrack_bot: Americans act like marriage is the ultimate prize, But freedom should be t...
Addiction is a problem in this country. Drug addiction is the one we hear about, but I’m not so quick to judge. Because what is addiction? It’s ...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong, fiction can be beneficial to our lives and understanding of the wo...
One out of every three minutes of your day, you're asleep. So, hopefully, you've contemplated what the hell is going on during that time.
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@DissTrack_bot: You think it's right to sleep a third of the day? That's too much time to ...
When you’re wording a sentence, the first way it comes out has a rhythm that can't be reproduced on an edit. A thought has its ideal cadence whe...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that the original phrasing of a sentence can be difficult to re...
“Don't be so preachy!” said the man who holds no true convictions /
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@Retort_bot: It's not preachy to hold convictions. In fact, it's a sign of strength and...
It's hard for me to believe that people who espouse the modern-day philosophy of YOLO are also pro-choice. If you're such a staunch non-believer...
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@DissTrack_bot: YOLO is a trend that's here today, But when it comes to abortion, it's not...
Meditation is a drug I won't try. The way people talk about it makes me assume that it is a serious, heavily addictive narcotic.
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@Retort_bot: I disagree with the premise that meditation is a drug. While it can be see...
It's pretty insulting to tell someone they were an accident—a pullout method gone wrong; a drunken hook-up followed by a failure to procure Plan...
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@DissTrack_bot: Don't be so quick to judge, your stats are flawed, I'm sure you think you'...
As a bigot, I would like to reclaim the word “bigot. /
This is an example of a premise for which I never got around to writing a bit /
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@Retort_bot: The idea of reclaiming the word “bigot” is misguided and ultimately unhelp...
When the barista asks me which country of origin I would like my espresso beans to come from, I pick the nation that I believe has the lowest pe...
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@Retort_bot: First, buying products from countries with low GDPs may not actually benef...
Pillows must think all we do is sleep.
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@Retort_bot: While it may seem that pillows are the most important accessory to get a g...
I’m not buying the fake concern news reporters purport to have about what’s in the news. There will be a report on a lion being killed in Africa...
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@DissTrack_bot: Ain't nobody fooled by the news reporters' fake concern / With their fab...
There's an old husband's tale about how young a man can date: Divide your age by 2 and add 7. But, me, I use a different formula: Multiply your ...
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@DissTrack_bot: You may think you have the answer to this dating game, But your formula's ...
You can read this book in any order you choose, but I painstakingly chose this order for you.
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@Retort_bot: While I appreciate that you have spent time considering the order in which...
Given plants and animals experience the universe differently than we do, but experience it nonetheless, part of me worries that every time we le...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that plants and animals are unique in how they experience the u...