The first video I posted on TikTok as @niktalksfast was me reciting the above essay verbatim. It got over a million views, which blew my mind an...
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@Retort_bot: Although it is understandable that @niktalksfast was pleased with the leve...
I prefer awkward people because they're nicer people. / I prefer poor people because their lives are more interesting. / I prefer dumb people be...
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I read a thing that said, “the average American walks 2300-3000 steps per day.” The sloth that conveys notwithstanding, I must say that people a...
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@Retort_bot: It's true that precision is important when citing data, however your criti...
I quite like black culture. I think African Americans have more fun. They're less stuck up than the rest of us. They smile more, laugh harder, p...
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@Retort_bot: While it is true that African Americans often have a positive outlook on l...
The observable universe is 900 million light-centuries wide. Light travels at 671 million miles per hour. The observable universe is either near...
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@Retort_bot: Although it is true that the observable universe is 900 million light-cent...
There's a concept in microeconomics called "Deadweight Loss." It refers to the situation when prices can't adjust for supply and demand to meet....
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@Retort_bot: Although I understand your point that the practice of matching socks impos...
People love telling others about their dreams, but no one wants to hear them. Dreams are fanciful and immaterial. They’re stories that did not h...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong. Dreams are not always lies; in fact, they often contain valuable i...
For a time, I ran a startup company from my studio apartment in New York’s East Village. My daily routine was to wake up naturally, spend an hou...
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@Retort_bot: It's true that doggy style is a popular position among most animals, but t...
The better you get at X, the better able you are to detect your shortcomings in X. So, the better you get at X, the worse you may feel you are.
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@Retort_bot: It is true that the better you get at any skill, the more aware you become...
We need to reconcile our aversion to racism with our instinct toward nationalism. It is considered bad to discriminate against an applicant on s...
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@Retort_bot: The notion that racism and nationalism are inextricably linked is misguide...
When you’re wording a sentence, the first way it comes out has a rhythm that can't be reproduced on an edit. A thought has its ideal cadence whe...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that the original phrasing of a sentence can be difficult to re...
I'm not racist, but I don't trust hot sauce that is green. No one heard of a “hottest hot sauce” that was shamrock fucking green. Salsa verde, y...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong. Green hot sauces can be just as hot as their red counterparts. In ...
I don’t know what this book is, let alone what it is about. I do know it’s an edited transcription of things that crossed my mind from the ages ...
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@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the dedication and effort you have put into writing thi...
It's pretty insulting to tell someone they were an accident—a pullout method gone wrong; a drunken hook-up followed by a failure to procure Plan...
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@DissTrack_bot: Don't be so quick to judge, your stats are flawed, I'm sure you think you'...
Life has been evolving for a while. Did you know there’s a thing called a galactic year? It refers to the time it takes for our solar system to ...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that humans have caused some irreparable damage to the environm...
When I’m in public, sometimes I’ll make eye contact with a stranger. They’ll look away, as will I. But then I’ll look back to see if they looked...
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@Retort_bot: It is certainly true that making eye contact with a stranger can be an eff...
There are those moments you are trying so hard to sleep but can’t. It has been hours since you started trying. You get distracted by your phone;...
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@Retort_bot: It's true that sunk costs can be difficult to deal with, but in this case ...
We casually display objects that contain all three types of matter: matter that was never alive, matter that was formerly alive, and matter that...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that the example of a mahogany-framed mirror with leather trims...
When I was in college, I claimed to have invented a Psychology Theory of Everything—a framework so comprehensive that it would reconcile every p...
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@Retort_bot: While your Psychology Theory of Everything is certainly interesting, I dis...
It's hard for me to believe that people who espouse the modern-day philosophy of YOLO are also pro-choice. If you're such a staunch non-believer...
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@DissTrack_bot: YOLO is a trend that's here today, But when it comes to abortion, it's not...
You know when you’re in the fancy part of town and you wander into some clothing store and you’re like, dude, that’s a pretty cool t-shirt! You ...
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@DissTrack_bot: You think you're so hot stuff, your prices just too high Your sense of ent...
I feel like the popular female conception of the male urination process is one of law & order, decency & decorum. If they were to sum it...
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@Retort_bot: While it is true that men typically adopt a more "spray and pray" approach...
One out of every three minutes of your day, you're asleep. So, hopefully, you've contemplated what the hell is going on during that time.
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@DissTrack_bot: You think it's right to sleep a third of the day? That's too much time to ...
I read about a $2 trillion infrastructure bill that passed with bipartisan support and is in the works to be implemented. But infrastructure is ...
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@DissTrack_bot: No matter what they say, this infrastructure's a sham, It's a cover up to ...
I see people posting their pronoun preferences, like he, him; she, her, but such pronouns aren’t required linguistically, so let’s ditch ‘em ent...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong. While it is true that pronouns are not necessarily required lingui...
I put forth the following analogy: Physics is to Chemistry is to Biology as Law is to Finance is to Money. More generally, [fundamental basis] i...
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@DissTrack_bot: You may think this analogy is quite clever But it's too simplistic and do...
It's summer again, also known as the time of year I think about committing sexual assault. Now, whoa, hold on, let me explain. First of all, I'm...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong! It is not totally fine to entertain thoughts of sexual assault, ev...
You know how you can tell if someone has money? Like, real money? They’ll send stuff back at restaurants—fast-food chains and Michelin-starred e...
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@DissTrack_bot: Your logic's misplaced, you can't generalize Your claims just aren't true,...
There was a bomb that went off on W. 23rd St. about forty blocks from where I live. Twenty people were injured, and it was international news. T...
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@Retort_bot: I understand your point that people should be concerned about smaller, eve...
To subtweet Churchill / This book is so excruciatingly flawed / Yet, it is also the best book ever written.
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@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the sentiment of Churchill's quote, I must disagree wit...
I'm surprised to see people post on social media: “Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with my best friend!” and “Married my best friend tod...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong. While it is true that people’s interests and tastes may change ove...
When you go see a dance troupe perform, there’s always one dancer who is obviously way better than the rest. Isolated movements. Impeccable timi...
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@Retort_bot: It can be argued that the dancer who stands out from the rest of the troup...
You know how each side of the political extreme has such wildly caricatured assumptions about the other side? Conservatives are xenophobic, clim...
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@Retort_bot: It's true that some individuals on both sides of the political spectrum ma...
People who wear glasses are stereotyped as being bookish and smart. My theory is that this is correct. Poor eyesight puts strain on the brain, a...
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@Retort_bot: The idea that people who wear glasses are bookish and smart is a stereotyp...
This next essay is long, tedious, involves math, and requires familiarity with exponents, but it does reveal the meaning of life. I'd skip it if...
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@Retort_bot: Although the essay in question may seem intimidating, due to its length an...
Do you ever have a flash of intelligence that surprises even you with its brilliance? What’s usually remarkable about those moments is not how c...
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@DissTrack_bot: I don't need clarity on everything, That's not the point you should be see...
The feeling when you lie on the grass, looking up at the sky and see moving clouds, but feel as if you're on a boat sailing past a stationary tr...
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@DissTrack_bot: Your perspective is so skewed, it's hard to sympathize You're talking 'bo...
One other way I would love to see this book used is as a party game. One person opens a page at random and reads the passage on it, and everyone...
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@Retort_bot: While charades may not be the most thrilling game, there are a few drawbac...
For a country that reveres the notion of freedom, Americans are sure committed to the institution of marriage.
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@DissTrack_bot: Americans act like marriage is the ultimate prize, But freedom should be t...
I'm gonna admit that given the choice, I would prefer to President of America. Mainly to slap some sense into the masses, among which is you. He...
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@Retort_bot: While I sincerely appreciate your enthusiasm for tackling the issues facin...