"Came here to say exactly that!" Is the most annoying comment that litters the Internet.
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You can say what you want, I'm gonna state my case / Your opinion's just ...
I hypothesize that any matter that can burn in its solid or liquid state was once a living organism. Find me a counterexample. You can’t /
"Pur...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You think you know it all and your facts are true / But your words are fu...
I was walking down the street by myself, like a baller. I had to cross the street twice, from the southeast side to the northwest side. As I loo...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While your story is an entertaining one, I disagree with the conclusion th...
You know those customer support lines that start with, “Please listen carefully, as our options have changed”? What the fuck do they think we do...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While I can understand your frustration with customer support lines, it's ...
When I think about climate change and the magnitude of a problem it is, I am first saddened, then angered, then genuinely tickled. I can't help ...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You think that laughing's gonna make it all okay? It's not a joke, this is...
I would like to take this moment to announce that grass is evil, lawns should be outlawed, and golf courses are colossal wastes of space.
Read more
@Retort_bot: It seems a bit extreme to suggest that grass is evil, lawns should be outl...
I made a website for this book, www.urrong.com, and I put some of these essays on there such that you can filter them in various ways, misguided...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the enthusiasm in promoting your website, UrRong.com, I...
I quite like black culture. I think African Americans have more fun. They're less stuck up than the rest of us. They smile more, laugh harder, p...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While it is true that African Americans often have a positive outlook on l...
I don’t know what this book is, let alone what it is about. I do know it’s an edited transcription of things that crossed my mind from the ages ...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the dedication and effort you have put into writing thi...
As a nice guy, I reveal that / we finish last / because finishing first necessitates interrupting people, / which feels rude.
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that interrupting someone can be rude, but it is not the only w...
Do you ever notice who pressures you into having children? It's people who already have children. These people are pretty convincing, so I think...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It's true that parents may sometimes exert social pressure on those withou...
The first half of this book is grand misdirection / to trick you into reading the second half of the book. / Many suggested I should make it a s...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that there is a focus in the first half of the book that leads ...
There’s a mouse in my apartment, and for the longest time, he stayed under my stove, occasionally popping out to grab food from my kitchen floor...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It seems like you've taken a lot of measures to deal with this mouse, but ...
Uber drivers seem scared of you. "Is the music okay? How about the temperature? Is your day going satisfactorily? May I offer you this gift of h...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong! While it is true that some Uber drivers may be overly accommodatin...
I was asked if I like babies. My answer:
I think people should really, really stop making them. But I can't help but like them once they are ma...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong! Babies are one of the most precious gifts in the world, and the jo...
I was once in a startup accelerator called Y Combinator. You can reproduce Y Combinator’s famous office hours by looking in the mirror and sayin...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that Y Combinator is a startup accelerator and that their famou...
When you reach a certain age, you can't be as creative as you used to be. Eventually, you have too much information in your head, too many compe...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is not true that creativity is limited by age. In fact, there are many ...
When you go see a dance troupe perform, there’s always one dancer who is obviously way better than the rest. Isolated movements. Impeccable timi...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It can be argued that the dancer who stands out from the rest of the troup...
I go out of my way not to care about people in my local vicinity who are visibly less fortunate than I am. Because I know I live in one of the r...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong - Caring about people in your local vicinity is not just about mone...
All right—I need to go on a racist rant. Well, not exactly; but I’d like to do something much worse: defend racism and racists in general. Let’s...
Read more
@Retort_bot: First of all, it is important to recognize that racism is more than just a...
If you encounter new words by reading, you’ll mispronounce them. If by hearing, you’ll mispell them. A crying shame.
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is not necessarily a "crying shame" to encounter new words by either re...
It's summer again, also known as the time of year I think about committing sexual assault. Now, whoa, hold on, let me explain. First of all, I'm...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong! It is not totally fine to entertain thoughts of sexual assault, ev...
People who wear glasses are stereotyped as being bookish and smart. My theory is that this is correct. Poor eyesight puts strain on the brain, a...
Read more
@Retort_bot: The idea that people who wear glasses are bookish and smart is a stereotyp...
There's an old husband's tale about how young a man can date: Divide your age by 2 and add 7. But, me, I use a different formula: Multiply your ...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You may think you have the answer to this dating game, But your formula's ...
"It's really important to start your day with intention," said a friend of mine with a serious wake-and-meditate compulsion. His decline into r...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: Meditation's praised like it's the only way, / But I say take a break and...
The Rule of Threes should be supplanted with the Sufficiency of Twos. Sure, a set of three examples is psychologically pleasing, comedically eff...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: Your argument may be clever but it's starting to unravel You're saying two...
Life is a show, I heard this as a child. I didn't understand what this thought implied. I was similarly confused when I read Shakespeare. He onc...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While your experience is certainly fascinating and thought-provoking, it's...
I suppose there's a reason it's called the nuclear family. Because once it unravels, there are no survivors. And that's by design.
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that the nuclear family is often seen as a strong unit, but to ...
The core source of parent-child disagreement is: / Child wants what maximizes enjoyment; / Parent wants what minimizes risk.
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You think that's why we disagree, but I'm here to dissent I'm not a kid w...
I am on Team Nonfiction; the rest of y’all be damned. I hereby submit a petition to change the name of nonfiction to Truth and by extension, to ...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While it is true that the names of nonfiction and fiction can be seen to c...
Sometimes, I feel like splitting infinitives. To defiantly break rules is to undeniably prove that rules need not apply to you.
Read more
@Retort_bot: In the English language, there are certain rules of grammar which, when br...
It is cute how old people love what we call oldies. Because clearly, they're transported back to their youth.
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: Your flimsy logic ain't hard to refute Oldies don't define youth or bring ...
I suspect a non-zero number of women have broken up with me because they couldn’t pronounce my name, and it was easier for them to say, “Hey dud...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While it is understandable that mispronouncing your name may have caused s...
The median is, like, never higher than the average. Left skewness is fabled / I am certain no one but me finds this to be a good joke /
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although it is true that in many cases, the median is lower than the avera...
Whenever people have done something together for x number of years, they feel compelled to say, “Here’s to the next x years!” Like, “Aw, we’ve b...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It's true that we should all be conscious of the changing dynamics of our ...
I was lying in bed with a woman. We were kind of just talking, and she mentioned that her leg hurts. I asked her if she wanted a massage or some...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It sounds like you felt frustrated in the moment, but it's important to re...
Why does anyone do anything? Out of habit mostly.
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that habits can be an important factor in why someone does some...
I was born in America to Indian parents. They speak English well; my mom even used to teach ESL. But they have accents, as immigrants do, and ev...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that many immigrants have accents when speaking English and tha...
News discusses what's new in the world. What's most urgent is usually not new, and what's not new is not discussed. People easily remain ignoran...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that news programs typically focus on what is new and novel, ho...