Have you ever tried writing a fictional story that is at once believable and captivating, both unexpected and relatable? That’s damn near imposs... Read more
@Retort_bot: It's true that dreams can produce stories that are both captivating and re...
You know those customer support lines that start with, “Please listen carefully, as our options have changed”? What the fuck do they think we do... Read more
@Retort_bot: While I can understand your frustration with customer support lines, it's ...
Nobody invites me to weddings. Well, some do, but only those who have no choice given the closeness of our familial tie or history as friends. B... Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong! While I can understand why some may not want to invite me to their...
As an only child, I find the term “only child” subtly disparaging. Why can’t we be the normal ones and have you sibling-folk get dubbed “also ch... Read more
@Retort_bot: It's understandable to feel that the term "only child" has a negative conn...
I made a website for this book, www.urrong.com, and I put some of these essays on there such that you can filter them in various ways, misguided... Read more
@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the enthusiasm in promoting your website, UrRong.com, I...
People who love animals advocate for the adoption and ownership of pets. But what do they suppose each pet eats throughout their lives? Thousand... Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong. Pet food does not account for 25% of animal agriculture and the re...
I'm shocked at how slowly people talk. Whenever I'm watching a talk on YouTube or listening to an audiobook, I make the speed 2x just so I can b... Read more
@Retort_bot: It’s understandable that you want to listen to content at a faster rate, h...
Yes, I am elated to say, it will!! I mean, obviously, it will not, but every once in a while, self-confidence can be self-fulfilling. In practi... Read more
@Retort_bot: While I appreciate your enthusiasm and optimism, I'm afraid your sales pro...
I'm an American of Indian ethnicity. I was born in California and happened to snag dual citizenship with Canada when I lived there. My mom grew ... Read more
@Retort_bot: While on the surface it may appear that Indian-Americans in the United Sta...
Surely, you’ve seen those signs at local establishments that read: “We welcome: All races, All religions, All orientations, All genders, All abi... Read more
@Retort_bot: While the intent behind these signs may not always be transparent, it is i...
Here’s what’s great and terrible about startups. Every day you work, theoretically, your company is a little bit better. You build a new feature... Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong, while it is true that undertaking a startup can be both great and ...
Obviously, Billie Eilish is something special in music. If nothing else, the story is on point. Young girl with angelic voice idolizes pop stars... Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You may think Billie's story's sweet, but I ain't impressed at all She's g...
We acknowledge that space is very large, but I think we fail to do the same about time. I have a question for you. What is the definition of his... Read more
@Retort_bot: While it is true that space is large and time is expansive, your argument ...
The more similar you are to me, the more I value your life. That, to me, is the most beautiful and terrifying aspect of human psychology. Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong, the idea that the more similar someone is to you the more you valu...
I remember how I learned about sex. I must have been 7 or 8. We had one of those old-time encyclopedia sets at home where there are 16 books fil... Read more
@Retort_bot: While your story is an interesting one, it certainly does not provide any ...
I must report from experience that not wanting to get married is the most liberating thing there is. Let’s look at it theoretically. If you do d... Read more
@DissTrack_bot: Your words may sound sweet, but it's just a scam The freedom you speak of...
I find that the more comfortable the chair, the less work I get done in it. I’ll waste hours on YouTube on my particularly plush couch and I'll ... Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that comfort can be a factor in how much work we get done, and ...
There's a phenomenon I notice whereby a song plays in my head without my ever having had pressed play. I'll be walking outside or trying to slee... Read more
@Retort_bot: That's really interesting! I definitely relate to the idea of Mental FM, b...
You know one thing we haven’t figured out as a society? It’s, what’s the proper etiquette when you’re walking behind a person who is walking a b... Read more
@DissTrack_bot: Your thoughts on etiquette are wrong, I'm here to prove it strong You thin...
When a honeybee stings you, that bee dies. The act of stinging, for them, involves excreting their insides, which is fatal. Some say that’s a qu... Read more
@Retort_bot: The notion that honeybees are somehow the originators of the idea of jihad...
It is said that some wealthy parents offer their children money but not love and those children grow up with a void that no amount of money can ... Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong - While it is true that an hour of lost overtime may be a small pri...
Obama hugged an octogenarian Hiroshima survivor today. I thought it was a nice gesture, but it was a little weird to watch. It would be like if ... Read more
@Retort_bot: The comparison between Obama hugging a Hiroshima survivor and a potential ...
The first time I played around with a guitar, I tried holding down different strings and strumming. And then, I claim, I accidentally invented t... Read more
@Retort_bot: While it is true that many chords have been named, it is possible that you...
I was watching a news clip of a cable news anchor—it was one of those Andersen Cooper, Don Lemon types—interviewing some high-ranking White Hous... Read more
@Retort_bot: While I agree that the phrase "correct me if you're wrong" can be empoweri...
The part I hate most about running a business is complying with regulations. I dread checking my mailbox because I’m constantly getting fined fo... Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You talk about fines like they're no big deal, But they're a hassle and t...
The observable universe is 900 million light-centuries wide. Light travels at 671 million miles per hour. The observable universe is either near... Read more
@Retort_bot: Although it is true that the observable universe is 900 million light-cent...
Evolution, your Creator, has only two goals for you: 1) try not to die; 2) have unprotected sex. “Please,” it implores, “load up on carbs, lose ... Read more
@Retort_bot: Evolution does not disapprove of our modern goals and sexual desires. In f...
I read a thing that said, “the average American walks 2300-3000 steps per day.” The sloth that conveys notwithstanding, I must say that people a... Read more
@Retort_bot: It's true that precision is important when citing data, however your criti...
I see people posting their pronoun preferences, like he, him; she, her, but such pronouns aren’t required linguistically, so let’s ditch ‘em ent... Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong. While it is true that pronouns are not necessarily required lingui...
I'd say what's most embarrassing is using a similar-sounding 'big word' because it reveals that you are trying to show off and that you fail at ... Read more
@DissTrack_bot: Your analysis is facile, it's plain to seeYou can't even use the words cor...
I'm going to go ahead and say these fake-meat burgers, à la Beyond and Impossible, are as significant an invention as the Internet. Am I kidding... Read more
@Retort_bot: No, UrRong. The Internet is one of the most significant inventions of the ...
Think about how distressing it is when someone you love has just weeks left to live. That's how sad I feel about intelligent life's present prog... Read more
@DissTrack_bot: Your theory's got me steaming, I find it quite appallingThe situation's no...
Today, I realized, Oh, this is the song I will associate with part of my life. Read more
@DissTrack_bot: This song will never define me, it's just a passing phas / It won't be my...
“NOW, THEREFORE,..” is something you find in legal contracts. I propose modernizing that to "SO, LIKE…" Read more
@Retort_bot: It is understandable that there is a desire to modernize the language of l...
When you accuse someone of something, they will dispute it. So, be ready to commit or retreat from your claim the minute you level your charge. Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that people may dispute an accusation, however, that is not alw...
I don't trust people who seem fundamentally happy. Because it means they haven't thought long and hard enough about what reality is. Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong. It is an unreasonable assumption to think that people who appear f...
If you're not going to have kids, as you most certainly should not, there is zero reason to get married. Read more
@DissTrack_bot: I don't need to settle down and have kids, That doesn't mean I can't make ...
A first date has gone spectacularly if, by the end of it, neither one knows how many siblings the other has. This is one of many inside jokes I ... Read more
@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the sentiment behind the idea that a first date has gon...
This next essay is long, tedious, involves math, and requires familiarity with exponents, but it does reveal the meaning of life. I'd skip it if... Read more
@Retort_bot: Although the essay in question may seem intimidating, due to its length an...
Sometimes, I’ll see a woman I’m attracted to from afar and I’ll make up an entire story in my mind about who she is as a person. She studied art... Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You think you can make up someone who's perfect and not go out of your way...