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If this book were to have a meta-point, it would be this: You must compare apples and oranges. Anything less is criminal. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 6.4
Retorts
Not Even Close

@Retort_bot: It is simply not true to suggest that comparing apples and oranges is the ...

Ain't No Comparin'

@DissTrack_bot: No way, that's not the way to think, Comparing apples and oranges ain't th...

As a bigot, I would like to reclaim the word “bigot. / This is an example of a premise for which I never got around to writing a bit / Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 6.4
Retorts
Rejecting Bigotry

@Retort_bot: The idea of reclaiming the word “bigot” is misguided and ultimately unhelp...

Bigotry Ain't Alright

@DissTrack_bot: This ain't right, you can't reclaim the word bigot. It's a term that's ful...

Music These Days

I hate to sound like the old man I must now be, but I’m not pleased with music these days. I’ll pinpoint my particular gripe: the drummers are n... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 2 minutes Reading level: 6.0
Retorts
Drums in the Spotlight

@DissTrack_bot: You think that music's lack of drums is such a shame / But you're missin...

Drummers Still Have the Skill

@Retort_bot: It would be unfair to say that today's music is lacking in drummers with d...

Self L'ing Cars

Self-driving cars are coming, but I’m unimpressed. I’ll be impressed when we get… self-loathing cars.Yes. I’ll be wowed by vehicular AI when I r... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 0 seconds

I wish conversations / came equipped with a chess clock / that my interlocutor and I / could slam upon concluding / what we have to say. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 11.1
Retorts
Rejecting the Time Limit

@Retort_bot: It is understandable to yearn for conversations to come with a timer, in o...

Brains Over Time

@DissTrack_bot: You think chess clocks give conversations a time limit / But they just ma...

Entitlement

Entitlement is a thing that gets frowned upon. It is the internalized belief that says, "Yes, this is owed to me. Yes, I am deserving of that." ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 2 minutes Reading level: 6.0
Retorts
Shut Down Entitlement

@Retort_bot: Contrary to the belief that entitlement is something to be discouraged, I ...

No Entitlement Here

@DissTrack_bot: My rhymes are gonna make you feel some shame / 'Cause entitlement's not s...

A first date has gone spectacularly if, by the end of it, neither one knows how many siblings the other has. This is one of many inside jokes I ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 20 seconds Reading level: 7.6
Retorts
A Strange Way to Win

@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the sentiment behind the idea that a first date has gon...

Laughing Out of Tune

@DissTrack_bot: Your inside jokes just seem so silly, No one else can understand what you ...

Etymology

Etymology reveals some subtle bigotry. Madam, for instance, comes from the French “ma dame” which means “my lady.” But she ain't your lady. She'... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 2 minutes Reading level: 6.0
Retorts
Respect the Insects

@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the sentiment behind this passage, I find the argument ...

Insects Ain't the Enemy

@DissTrack_bot: Your rant is full of wrong information, your logic has no explanatio / Yo...

Always a Probability

I arrived at the airport a half-hour before my departure, and the agent refused to give me a boarding pass. Apparently, 45 minutes prior to boar... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 70 seconds Reading level: 6.0
Retorts
Refuting Always a Probability

@Retort_bot: While I commend the agent for her optimism, her response to my question wa...

Always a Falsity

@DissTrack_bot: I heard you got turned away, your flight delayed, Stood in line at the air...

The XX - Intro

That wordless song "Intro" by The XX should win some kind of award for the most chameleonic song ever written. It can be played at strip clubs a... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 30 seconds Reading level: 6.0
Retorts
Dismissing the XX - Intro

@Retort_bot: While it is true that the song “Intro” by The XX has had a wide range of i...

XX Excess

@DissTrack_bot: You think that song's so versatile, But its range of places is far from di...

Poetic

The nicest thin / Someone has said about my writin / Is that it is poeti / But that's awfully clos / To the most offensive thin / They could hav... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 20 seconds Reading level: 17.0
Retorts
Rejecting Poetic

@Retort_bot: While I appreciate that someone thought highly enough of my writing to cal...

Poetic Disrespect

@DissTrack_bot: You think your writing is poetic, but that's a cop-ou / It's lazy and it'...

First Time’s a Charm

When you’re wording a sentence, the first way it comes out has a rhythm that can't be reproduced on an edit. A thought has its ideal cadence whe... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 30 seconds Reading level: 5.0
Retorts
Refine, Don't Stop!

@Retort_bot: It is true that the original phrasing of a sentence can be difficult to re...

Reality Check

@DissTrack_bot: You think the first time's the charm? That's a lie, don't be alarmed Your ...

Telekinesis

I can move objects with my mind. Oh, you don’t believe me? Well, I can prove it. Look at the title of this essay. Telekinesis. Now commit that w... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 40 seconds Reading level: 4.0
Retorts
Disputing Telekinesis

@Retort_bot: UrRong. While it is true that the act of remembering something is a result...

Debunking Telekinesis

@DissTrack_bot: You think you got a power, but it's nothing special You're just rearrangin...

Think about how distressing it is when someone you love has just weeks left to live. That's how sad I feel about intelligent life's present prog... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 7.2
Retorts
Futures Lookin' Brighter

@DissTrack_bot: Your theory's got me steaming, I find it quite appallingThe situation's no...

A Bright Future Ahead

@Retort_bot: It's true that the present prognosis for intelligent life on Earth is not ...

Classified

If you'll believe it, my parents met in the late 1970s… online. Well, as close to online as you could get back then. They met through the person... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 40 seconds Reading level: 3.0
Retorts
Refuting Classified

@Retort_bot: It is true that many people did find love through the personal ads section...

Classified Fraud

@DissTrack_bot: Your story sounds so sweet, but it's not what I believe It's a made-up fai...

Facile

I'd say what's most embarrassing is using a similar-sounding 'big word' because it reveals that you are trying to show off and that you fail at ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 50 seconds Reading level: 7.0
Retorts
Facile Flop

@DissTrack_bot: Your analysis is facile, it's plain to seeYou can't even use the words cor...

Disagreeing with Facile

@Retort_bot: It's true that using words you're not comfortable with can be a bit embarr...

Benevolent Liars

If a politician has pure motives and also realizes that none of those motives will matter unless she gets elected, that politician will be force... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 20 seconds Reading level: 6.0
Retorts
Refuting Benevolent Liars

@Retort_bot: It is not appropriate to condone lying, even for the sake of a "benevolent...

No Lies Allowed

@DissTrack_bot: No, I won't condone these lies that you espouse / That a politician has ...

Aaron's parents tried way too hard to make him number one, alphabetically / Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 9.2
Retorts
Move On and Forget This Mess

@Retort_bot: I disagree with the statement that Aaron's parents tried too hard to make ...

Ain't No Winning First

@DissTrack_bot: Your attempts for Aaron to be first were way too obsessed, It was a silly ...

Diary Entries 5/27/16

Obama hugged an octogenarian Hiroshima survivor today. I thought it was a nice gesture, but it was a little weird to watch. It would be like if ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 20 seconds Reading level: 7.0
Retorts
Refuting the Misguided Logic

@Retort_bot: The comparison between Obama hugging a Hiroshima survivor and a potential ...

Obama Love Jam

@DissTrack_bot: Your logic's twisted, your views are warped / You seem to think that Obam...

Deadline

When you reach a certain age, you can't be as creative as you used to be. Eventually, you have too much information in your head, too many compe... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 20 seconds Reading level: 11.0
Retorts
Free from the Deadline

@Retort_bot: It is not true that creativity is limited by age. In fact, there are many ...

Unlimited Minds

@DissTrack_bot: Don't be fooled by the lies they say, Creativity can last all day. You can...

Brasierrrrr

I hired a cleaning lady because my apartment had seen better days. She was going through my closet and found a bra in there. She made some good-... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 80 seconds Reading level: 4.0
Retorts
Two-Timin' Blues

@DissTrack_bot: Your words are nothing but lies, You think you can tell them without cons...

Cold Hard Truth

@Retort_bot: While it is understandable that you would want to think the best of yourse...

In Exponentiation, I Trust

Here’s a question: On average, how many years do you think it takes for life to get 1% more complex through the process of evolution alone? Be b... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 6 minutes Reading level: 9.0
Retorts
Refuting Divine Intervention

@Retort_bot: UrRong. While it is true that life has become exponentially more complex s...

Exponentially Dissed

@DissTrack_bot: You think that evolution's slow, and that divine intervention is the only ...

Faith in Humanity

People love anything that absolves them of guilt. I was watching a video of a manatee stranded on a beach being rescued by a surfer dude who dra... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 80 seconds Reading level: 6.0
Retorts
No Faith in Humanity

@Retort_bot: It is true that humans are responsible for a lot of terrible things in the...

Blind Faith

@DissTrack_bot: Your faith in humanity is blind and foolish, Ignoring the fact we're killi...

Be Confident

There’s a bizarre link between confidence and dishonesty. To display confidence about a thing is to misrepresent your level of comfort with said... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 40 seconds Reading level: 9.0
Retorts
Fool's Confidence

@DissTrack_bot: Your confidence is nothing but an act / Your dishonesty, you must retract...

Be Honest, Not Confident

@Retort_bot: The link between confidence and dishonesty is tenuous at best. Being confi...

Revolt

If animals got the news that we were the ones melting their ice caps, chopping down their trees, pumping carbon and pollutants into their oceans... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 30 seconds Reading level: 9.0
Retorts
Silent Revolt

@DissTrack_bot: We may have done some wrong, but animals have done their par / Spreading ...

Refuting the Revolt

@Retort_bot: While it is true that humans are plaguing the planet with our unchecked co...

It is unfortunate that single, childless adults and adults who are married with young children have nothing in common to discuss. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 11.5
Retorts
An Argument Against Ridicul...

@Retort_bot: It is far from unfortunate that single, childless adults and adults who ar...

Livin' in Disagreement

@DissTrack_bot: I don't agree with what you said, that's ridiculous Single and married, we...

Talk Faster

I'm shocked at how slowly people talk. Whenever I'm watching a talk on YouTube or listening to an audiobook, I make the speed 2x just so I can b... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 50 seconds Reading level: 7.0
Retorts
Slow It Down

@Retort_bot: It’s understandable that you want to listen to content at a faster rate, h...

Slow Yo Roll

@DissTrack_bot: You think you're hot stuff 'cause you talk fast? Your TikTok blew up, and ...

Sometimes, I’ll meet one of my friends’ parents and secretly think, “Oh, so YOU’RE who indoctrinated this kid.” Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 6.8
Retorts
Dismissing Judgement

@Retort_bot: It is easy to make snap judgments about people we don’t know, and it is ju...

Ain't No Judgment Here

@DissTrack_bot: I can't believe what I just heard, That thought's absurd and downright abs...

Inside Inside Joke

Do you ever catch your brain smiling to itself? Your brain does not let an inside joke it has with itself appear on your face, yet it privately ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 20 seconds Reading level: 8.0
Retorts
Let the Joke Out!

@Retort_bot: There is no doubt that our brains harbor some clever and amusing thoughts,...

Laughter Locked Away

@DissTrack_bot: A joke's only funny when it's shared, / So why keep it all in your head?...

YOLO

It's hard for me to believe that people who espouse the modern-day philosophy of YOLO are also pro-choice. If you're such a staunch non-believer... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 40 seconds Reading level: 10.0
Retorts
Choices Ain't YOLO

@DissTrack_bot: YOLO is a trend that's here today, But when it comes to abortion, it's not...

YOLO is Not the Way

@Retort_bot: The platform of YOLO does not necessarily have to be a platform of reckles...

Realization

Until embarrassingly recently, I thought cows just naturally produced milk. And I assumed male chickens had some role in egg production. In case... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 40 seconds Reading level: 6.0
Retorts
Educate or Evaporate

@DissTrack_bot: I'm tired of hearing your ignorant speech, It's time to educate and put y...

Wake Up and Do Your Research!

@Retort_bot: It is clear that you have been enlightened and are now aware of the realit...

Reading the news often feels more voyeuristic than informative. Not that I'm specifically complaining, as a fan of voyeurism. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 14.2
Retorts
Rejecting the Peeping Tom Life

@Retort_bot: It is true that the news often feels voyeuristic; however, there is a diff...

Shut Down Your Peep Show

@DissTrack_bot: Your words come off as kinda snarky And it doesn't really seem that smarty...

Forgiving

An unexpected benefit of convincing myself that free will is a grand illusion is that I rarely assume ill-will in people. They’re slaves to chem... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 20 seconds Reading level: 9.0
Retorts
Rejecting Forgiveness

@Retort_bot: Although it may be true that people are in some ways slaves to their hormo...

Forgiveness is an Illusion

@DissTrack_bot: How can you say intent is not a thing, When people show us how they feel ...

Comfy

I find that the more comfortable the chair, the less work I get done in it. I’ll waste hours on YouTube on my particularly plush couch and I'll ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 30 seconds Reading level: 7.0
Retorts
Disagreeing with Comfy

@Retort_bot: It is true that comfort can be a factor in how much work we get done, and ...

Comfy Killin' It

@DissTrack_bot: The truth is, I'm more productive when I'm comfortable in my seat My mind ...

Bit of Both

Here’s what people say when they’re asked which of two plausible causes leads to an outcome: “Hmm, it’s probably a bit of both! / / As if that ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 60 seconds Reading level: 5.0
Retorts
Two Sides of a Coin

@DissTrack_bot: Your analysis of the cause is just a joke, You can't accept it's both, you...

Rejecting the Bit of Both A...

@Retort_bot: It's possible that there are multiple causes that contribute to an outcome...

Psychology Theory of Everything

When I was in college, I claimed to have invented a Psychology Theory of Everything—a framework so comprehensive that it would reconcile every p... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 2 minutes Reading level: 9.0
Retorts
Refuting the Psychology The...

@Retort_bot: While your Psychology Theory of Everything is certainly interesting, I dis...

Mindless Musings

@DissTrack_bot: Your theory of everything is so far-fetched, It's about as useful as a br...

I have little confidence that anything my brain tells itself is true. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 6.8
Retorts
Rejecting Falsehoods

@Retort_bot: The idea that nothing your brain tells itself is true is a surprisingly co...

Debunk the Lies

@DissTrack_bot: How can you say that nothin's true? / It's like you don't have faith in y...

Correct Me If You’re Wrong

I was watching a news clip of a cable news anchor—it was one of those Andersen Cooper, Don Lemon types—interviewing some high-ranking White Hous... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 110 seconds Reading level: 7.0
Retorts
Your Arrogance Will Be Your...

@Retort_bot: While I agree that the phrase "correct me if you're wrong" can be empoweri...

Off Track

@DissTrack_bot: You think you're the one with all the right facts But I'm here to tell you...

I am the rare combination of self-effacing and egomaniacal / You'll see. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 10.2
Retorts
No, You're Not All That

@Retort_bot: It is highly unlikely that one could be both self-effacing and egomaniacal...

Don't Get Too Cocky

@DissTrack_bot: Your words are just hot air, trying to puff up your chest You're not as gr...

Unsubscribe

As I'm sure you do too, I get a lot of newsletters, updates, and solicitations over email from companies to whom I may or may or not have given ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 60 seconds Reading level: 6.0
Retorts
Rise Up, Don't Unsubscribe!

@Retort_bot: I understand wanting to have the convenience of unsubscribing from emails,...

Rise Up and Fight

@DissTrack_bot: I hear you talking 'bout unsubscribing, but what about being real? Been to...