You know the expression, “friends with benefits?” I think it's funny how jobs are also said to come “with benefits.” I like to imagine myself st...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that many jobs come with benefits, but there is more to it than...
I call my favorite form of exercise, The Boomerang. I take the subway to a part of the city I haven't been to and I walk back home /
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@Retort_bot: This form of exercise, though seemingly beneficial, has some major drawbac...
I find it kind of annoying that people like stories so much. Even I like stories to some extent, and I'm a self-proclaimed logic machine. When I...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that stories can be enjoyed by all and I agree that it is easy ...
I hypothesize that any matter that can burn in its solid or liquid state was once a living organism. Find me a counterexample. You can’t /
"Pur...
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@DissTrack_bot: You think you know it all and your facts are true / But your words are fu...
Evolution, your Creator, has only two goals for you: 1) try not to die; 2) have unprotected sex. “Please,” it implores, “load up on carbs, lose ...
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@Retort_bot: Evolution does not disapprove of our modern goals and sexual desires. In f...
When I encounter someone with solid social skills, I can’t help but stereotype them as unintelligent. I realize that this is factually inaccurate a...
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@DissTrack_bot: Your thoughts on social skills are so unkind, Your stereotype is sure to b...
It is cute how old people love what we call oldies. Because clearly, they're transported back to their youth.
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@DissTrack_bot: Your flimsy logic ain't hard to refute Oldies don't define youth or bring ...
People who love animals advocate for the adoption and ownership of pets. But what do they suppose each pet eats throughout their lives? Thousand...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong. Pet food does not account for 25% of animal agriculture and the re...
The observable universe is 900 million light-centuries wide. Light travels at 671 million miles per hour. The observable universe is either near...
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@Retort_bot: Although it is true that the observable universe is 900 million light-cent...
Yes, I am elated to say, it will!! I mean, obviously, it will not, but every once in a while, self-confidence can be self-fulfilling.
In practi...
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@Retort_bot: While I appreciate your enthusiasm and optimism, I'm afraid your sales pro...
I am on Team Nonfiction; the rest of y’all be damned. I hereby submit a petition to change the name of nonfiction to Truth and by extension, to ...
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@Retort_bot: While it is true that the names of nonfiction and fiction can be seen to c...
I think people's cleanliness standards are way too high. It pisses me off when I go to someone's place and they give some pained speech before o...
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@Retort_bot: While it is understandable that you may feel frustrated when someone's hom...
Uber drivers seem scared of you. "Is the music okay? How about the temperature? Is your day going satisfactorily? May I offer you this gift of h...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong! While it is true that some Uber drivers may be overly accommodatin...
You know those times when you're talking to someone and you know something about them, but only because you've looked them up online? You can't ...
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@Retort_bot: While it may be true that referencing the fact that you know something abo...
I have fast-recited many of these essays on TikTok, @niktalksfast.
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@Retort_bot: UrRong! While there is no denying that you have certainly put in the hard ...
In writing, I value concision and precision.
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@Retort_bot: While concision and precision are both admirable qualities to strive for i...
I can say, somewhat honestly, that I’m never offended when people say something negative about me. That has taken practice, and I’ll let you in ...
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@Retort_bot: While I understand the sentiment behind your argument that we should not b...
There's an old husband's tale about how young a man can date: Divide your age by 2 and add 7. But, me, I use a different formula: Multiply your ...
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@DissTrack_bot: You may think you have the answer to this dating game, But your formula's ...
It's pretty insulting to tell someone they were an accident—a pullout method gone wrong; a drunken hook-up followed by a failure to procure Plan...
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@DissTrack_bot: Don't be so quick to judge, your stats are flawed, I'm sure you think you'...
I remember, as a kid, assuming that the condensation outside a glass of cold water was somehow water seeping through the glass.
w...
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There are those moments you are trying so hard to sleep but can’t. It has been hours since you started trying. You get distracted by your phone;...
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@Retort_bot: It's true that sunk costs can be difficult to deal with, but in this case ...
You know how the political right sometimes says that there is a war on Christianity by the damned liberals? The liberals, of course, deny that, ...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong. To say that Christianity should be the sole target of your "war on...
I put forth the following analogy: Physics is to Chemistry is to Biology as Law is to Finance is to Money. More generally, [fundamental basis] i...
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@DissTrack_bot: You may think this analogy is quite clever But it's too simplistic and do...
I prefer awkward people because they're nicer people. / I prefer poor people because their lives are more interesting. / I prefer dumb people be...
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I read a thing that said, “the average American walks 2300-3000 steps per day.” The sloth that conveys notwithstanding, I must say that people a...
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@Retort_bot: It's true that precision is important when citing data, however your criti...
LinkedIn is always telling me to congratulate people. Maia got a new job? Say congrats! Preeti got canned? Say congrats! Marco stuck around at t...
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@Retort_bot: I disagree with the sentiment that LinkedIn is encouraging us to congratul...
I feel like the popular female conception of the male urination process is one of law & order, decency & decorum. If they were to sum it...
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@Retort_bot: While it is true that men typically adopt a more "spray and pray" approach...
Forewords are dumb. Just start the damned book.
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@Retort_bot: Forewords serve a valuable purpose in any book! They can introduce the rea...
I'll admit I'm concerned about factory farms. Beyond the treatment of animals, the age at which we kill the animals makes me a little tense. As ...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong! The meat industry could not win back your business even if they so...
Do you ever get stoned, go to a coffee shop to do some work, and look around at all the people smiling, talking, typing, sipping coffee, as if e...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong - Gravity is one of the most well understood forces in physics. Whi...
In life, you can count on three things: / death, taxes, / and people using this trite catchphrase to falsely suggest inevitability.
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@Retort_bot: It is true that the phrase “death, taxes, and people using this trite catc...
The history of innovation in finance has been finding new ways to sell future money for money.
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@Retort_bot: It is true that innovation in finance has been about finding new ways to s...
Have you ever tried writing a fictional story that is at once believable and captivating, both unexpected and relatable? That’s damn near imposs...
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@Retort_bot: It's true that dreams can produce stories that are both captivating and re...
Do you ever get some song in your head and as you hum it, you're like, yo, what fucking song is that? But to your chagrin, where you started hum...
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@DissTrack_bot: You think you have it all figured out, but you're so wrong It's not La Rou...
Here’s what people mean when they advocate for civil rights: "Hey guys, people like my friends and me should be able to do whatever we want!!" V...
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@Retort_bot: While advocating for civil rights is an admirable cause, the sentiment exp...
When you reach a certain age, you can't be as creative as you used to be. Eventually, you have too much information in your head, too many compe...
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@Retort_bot: It is not true that creativity is limited by age. In fact, there are many ...
I ask you to judge this book not as a book, but as a work of art. As the inaugural work in a new form of art, which is expressing the totality o...
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@Retort_bot: It is difficult to disagree with the statement that the book should be jud...
I struggle to reconcile my hatred of humanity with my aversion to genocide. Damn, I love that opening line. Anyway, after spending some time Goo...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong. While VHEMT's solution may seem like an elegant one, it is not a r...
Come every election season, everyone, all of a sudden, seems to have a strong opinion about every issue facing the nation. What I think is actua...
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@Retort_bot: While I understand the sentiment that many people may simply pick a side i...