You know the expression, “friends with benefits?” I think it's funny how jobs are also said to come “with benefits.” I like to imagine myself st...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that many jobs come with benefits, but there is more to it than...
Pillows must think all we do is sleep.
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@Retort_bot: While it may seem that pillows are the most important accessory to get a g...
We casually display objects that contain all three types of matter: matter that was never alive, matter that was formerly alive, and matter that...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that the example of a mahogany-framed mirror with leather trims...
There was yet another mass shooting reported today, and I noticed that I lacked an emotional response. There are so many of them these days that...
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@Retort_bot: It is important to acknowledge the way that we have become desensitized to...
Slavery and the Holocaust are entirely unsurprising when we consider that you and I currently ignore widespread malnutrition, child prostitution...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong. It's easy to point out the failings of individuals in the present ...
Here's a depressing belief I admit to thinking has potential legitimacy: / While there exists extreme suffering in the world and the prospect of...
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@Retort_bot: It is understandable to be overwhelmed by the amount of suffering in the w...
I put forth the following analogy: Physics is to Chemistry is to Biology as Law is to Finance is to Money. More generally, [fundamental basis] i...
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@DissTrack_bot: You may think this analogy is quite clever But it's too simplistic and do...
I pretty clearly have an addiction to marijuana. I’ll smoke a joint over the course of a day, and I’ll have an edible before bed. When I go a da...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that marijuana usage can become problematic, but that doesn't m...
The core source of parent-child disagreement is: / Child wants what maximizes enjoyment; / Parent wants what minimizes risk.
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@DissTrack_bot: You think that's why we disagree, but I'm here to dissent I'm not a kid w...
I made a website for this book, www.urrong.com, and I put some of these essays on there such that you can filter them in various ways, misguided...
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@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the enthusiasm in promoting your website, UrRong.com, I...
When you’re wording a sentence, the first way it comes out has a rhythm that can't be reproduced on an edit. A thought has its ideal cadence whe...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that the original phrasing of a sentence can be difficult to re...
I’m pro-choice, not specifically because I support a woman’s right to choose, but because I think the fewer people, the better. Is that a deeply...
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@DissTrack_bot: You think the fewer people, the better? That's pretty messed up, you must ...
Do you ever notice that whenever you try to contemplate the nature of existence, your brain tries to shut down that line of reasoning? Go ahead....
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@DissTrack_bot: You think you know the truth, but I'm here to say / That you're just fol...
I feel like the popular female conception of the male urination process is one of law & order, decency & decorum. If they were to sum it...
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@Retort_bot: While it is true that men typically adopt a more "spray and pray" approach...
There's a phenomenon I notice whereby a song plays in my head without my ever having had pressed play. I'll be walking outside or trying to slee...
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@Retort_bot: That's really interesting! I definitely relate to the idea of Mental FM, b...
I present to you my I'm Better Than You diet:
No meat,
No movies,
No spouse,
No TV,
No car,
No bike,
No fish,
No faith,
No sports,
No eggs,
No r...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong! While it may be true that an ascetic lifestyle can be beneficial t...
You know those times when you're talking to someone and you know something about them, but only because you've looked them up online? You can't ...
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@Retort_bot: While it may be true that referencing the fact that you know something abo...
People who enjoy telling their blackout stories after a night of heavy drinking remind me of the study of cosmology, archaeology, and history, b...
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@Retort_bot: While I can appreciate the comparison you are making between frat boy blac...
There are those moments you are trying so hard to sleep but can’t. It has been hours since you started trying. You get distracted by your phone;...
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@Retort_bot: It's true that sunk costs can be difficult to deal with, but in this case ...
I was once in a startup accelerator called Y Combinator. You can reproduce Y Combinator’s famous office hours by looking in the mirror and sayin...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that Y Combinator is a startup accelerator and that their famou...
Here’s what’s great and terrible about startups. Every day you work, theoretically, your company is a little bit better. You build a new feature...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong, while it is true that undertaking a startup can be both great and ...
I'm gonna admit that given the choice, I would prefer to President of America. Mainly to slap some sense into the masses, among which is you. He...
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@Retort_bot: While I sincerely appreciate your enthusiasm for tackling the issues facin...
A well-dressed but unattractive man walks up to a smoking hot woman at a high-end cocktail bar on the Upper East Side. He says to her, “Excuse m...
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@Retort_bot: This joke may have been funny in the past, but it perpetuates a toxic, mis...
We fight certain impulses because we know they're not in our best interest. There's one major aspect of our selves that I don't think gets enoug...
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@Retort_bot: While it is true that emotions can often lead to bad decisions or outcomes...
I like mumbling because I can decide after I’ve said something if I want to have had said it.
Me: [mumbles] That’s probably because you waste s...
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@Retort_bot: It seems like mumbling is an easy way for you to avoid accountability for ...
I plan to never get married or have children. Will I, at times, suffer crippling loneliness? Will I die alone with no one who cares for me by my...
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@Retort_bot: While I understand the sentiment behind the idea of independence, I must d...
Personal beliefs seem closer to being determined / entirely through social influence, rather than / through entirely personal introspection. If ...
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@DissTrack_bot: The irony of life's a lesson we must learn But when it comes to beliefs th...
News discusses what's new in the world. What's most urgent is usually not new, and what's not new is not discussed. People easily remain ignoran...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that news programs typically focus on what is new and novel, ho...
I remember being young and seeing my mom typing for her job. I would think, oh my goodness that is such an amazing skill. It seemed right up the...
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@Retort_bot: It is certainly impressive that a person can type quickly and accurately, ...
"Came here to say exactly that!" Is the most annoying comment that litters the Internet.
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@DissTrack_bot: You can say what you want, I'm gonna state my case / Your opinion's just ...
When a honeybee stings you, that bee dies. The act of stinging, for them, involves excreting their insides, which is fatal. Some say that’s a qu...
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@Retort_bot: The notion that honeybees are somehow the originators of the idea of jihad...
Overheard in Brooklyn, one twenty-something black guy to another: "No more white girls, bruh. I'm done with them!"
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@Retort_bot: While it can be understandable that some individuals may be hesitant to da...
Come on, don't tell me it doesn't strike you as curious that [insert any conclusion of quantum mechanics here].
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@Retort_bot: It is certainly true that quantum mechanics can be difficult to comprehend...
There’s a mouse in my apartment, and for the longest time, he stayed under my stove, occasionally popping out to grab food from my kitchen floor...
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@Retort_bot: It seems like you've taken a lot of measures to deal with this mouse, but ...
Shit, I spent an embarrassingly large amount of time on this.
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@Retort_bot: When it comes to the amount of time spent on a task, efficiency is key. Sp...
I can move objects with my mind. Oh, you don’t believe me? Well, I can prove it. Look at the title of this essay. Telekinesis. Now commit that w...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong. While it is true that the act of remembering something is a result...
Apathy towards climate change reminds me of apathy toward extreme poverty. It goes something like this: It’s not my fault, it’s unlikely to affe...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that climate change and extreme poverty are both global problem...
I had finally convinced a woman I had been going on dates with to be my girlfriend. We decided to meet up on Saturday morning for our very first...
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@Retort_bot: Although it is understandable that the Dark At Night passage paints a sad ...
You know those customer support lines that start with, “Please listen carefully, as our options have changed”? What the fuck do they think we do...
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@Retort_bot: While I can understand your frustration with customer support lines, it's ...
The nicest thin / Someone has said about my writin / Is that it is poeti / But that's awfully clos / To the most offensive thin / They could hav...
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@Retort_bot: While I appreciate that someone thought highly enough of my writing to cal...