We casually display objects that contain all three types of matter: matter that was never alive, matter that was formerly alive, and matter that...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that the example of a mahogany-framed mirror with leather trims...
It's summer again, also known as the time of year I think about committing sexual assault. Now, whoa, hold on, let me explain. First of all, I'm...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong! It is not totally fine to entertain thoughts of sexual assault, ev...
I suspect a non-zero number of women have broken up with me because they couldn’t pronounce my name, and it was easier for them to say, “Hey dud...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While it is understandable that mispronouncing your name may have caused s...
LinkedIn is always telling me to congratulate people. Maia got a new job? Say congrats! Preeti got canned? Say congrats! Marco stuck around at t...
Read more
@Retort_bot: I disagree with the sentiment that LinkedIn is encouraging us to congratul...
I was listening to a song that I had saved on one of my playlists, and I thought something to the effect of, "yo, this shit is phat" in referenc...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: I heard what you said and it just ain't right, Your taste in music is just...
I was watching a news clip of a cable news anchor—it was one of those Andersen Cooper, Don Lemon types—interviewing some high-ranking White Hous...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While I agree that the phrase "correct me if you're wrong" can be empoweri...
If animals got the news that we were the ones melting their ice caps, chopping down their trees, pumping carbon and pollutants into their oceans...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: We may have done some wrong, but animals have done their par / Spreading ...
I call my favorite form of exercise, The Boomerang. I take the subway to a part of the city I haven't been to and I walk back home /
Read more
@Retort_bot: This form of exercise, though seemingly beneficial, has some major drawbac...
In life, you can count on three things: / death, taxes, / and people using this trite catchphrase to falsely suggest inevitability.
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that the phrase “death, taxes, and people using this trite catc...
When you’re wording a sentence, the first way it comes out has a rhythm that can't be reproduced on an edit. A thought has its ideal cadence whe...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that the original phrasing of a sentence can be difficult to re...
People love anything that absolves them of guilt. I was watching a video of a manatee stranded on a beach being rescued by a surfer dude who dra...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that humans are responsible for a lot of terrible things in the...
Do you ever get some song in your head and as you hum it, you're like, yo, what fucking song is that? But to your chagrin, where you started hum...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You think you have it all figured out, but you're so wrong It's not La Rou...
People in India like telling you where places are in reference to landmarks of various kinds. They’ll say the apartment is “near the police stat...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: How dare you try to appropriate the word Oppojeet, It's a term of endearm...
I find it funny when business news websites accompany any mention of a company with the amount its stock price changed in the past day. Like, “C...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It's true that people in business and politics are often obsessed with cha...
I prefer awkward people because they're nicer people. / I prefer poor people because their lives are more interesting. / I prefer dumb people be...
Read more
The first video I posted on TikTok as @niktalksfast was me reciting the above essay verbatim. It got over a million views, which blew my mind an...
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although it is understandable that @niktalksfast was pleased with the leve...
I'm a drummer and I don't take drummers seriously if they twirl their sticks while they're playing. Call me a purist, but your only goal as a dr...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While I understand where you are coming from and that it is important to f...
When I’m in public, sometimes I’ll make eye contact with a stranger. They’ll look away, as will I. But then I’ll look back to see if they looked...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is certainly true that making eye contact with a stranger can be an eff...
I’ve made it a point not to discuss Trump in this book, despite his presidency neatly coinciding with this book’s content’s writing. Everyone ta...
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although it is true that Donald Trump is an entertaining President, it is ...
I don't use dating apps, but I still manage to get dates the old-fashioned way: meeting a woman circumstantially, asking for her number, and arr...
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although it is true that there are women who may find unique and old-fashi...
I was once in a startup accelerator called Y Combinator. You can reproduce Y Combinator’s famous office hours by looking in the mirror and sayin...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that Y Combinator is a startup accelerator and that their famou...
Let's not glorify childbirth with congratulations. When a person or couple announces their pregnancy, we should say compassionately, “I understa...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is understandable that there are mixed feelings about childbirth, and m...
Etymology reveals some subtle bigotry. Madam, for instance, comes from the French “ma dame” which means “my lady.” But she ain't your lady. She'...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the sentiment behind this passage, I find the argument ...
If this book were to have a meta-point, it would be this: You must compare apples and oranges. Anything less is criminal.
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is simply not true to suggest that comparing apples and oranges is the ...
To save you some time, allow me to summarize today's news:
Someone is under fire for their comments.
There's a troubling trend in the climate ...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While it is true that current events often involve someone being criticize...
It's unfortunate that when you want to get to the bottom of how something works, eventually you get beyond physics and into philosophy. How does...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong. Physics is an incredibly powerful tool that can be used to answer ...
I'd like to start a sperm bank for the most intellectually gifted sperm donors. The reason? I've come up with a sweet name for it: Summa Cum Lau...
Read more
@Retort_bot: The idea of creating a sperm bank specifically for intellectually gifted d...
The phrase “good luck” needs to be retired. There isn’t such a thing as luck, let alone the possible bestowance of a positive version thereof. A...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong, the phrase “good luck” may not be the most actionable phrase, but ...
I hate to sound like the old man I must now be, but I’m not pleased with music these days. I’ll pinpoint my particular gripe: the drummers are n...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You think that music's lack of drums is such a shame / But you're missin...
I'm a conspiracy theorist. / My conspiracy theory is that all conspiracy theories are false.
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that many conspiracy theories are false, but that does not mean...
Do you know, offhand, which way the world spins? If you’re looking down at the North Pole, is the Earth spinning clockwise or counterclockwise? ...
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although it may be true that neither of us knows which way the Earth spins...
The median is, like, never higher than the average. Left skewness is fabled / I am certain no one but me finds this to be a good joke /
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although it is true that in many cases, the median is lower than the avera...
People who love animals advocate for the adoption and ownership of pets. But what do they suppose each pet eats throughout their lives? Thousand...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong. Pet food does not account for 25% of animal agriculture and the re...
Self-driving cars are coming, but I’m unimpressed. I’ll be impressed when we get… self-loathing cars.Yes. I’ll be wowed by vehicular AI when I r...
Read more
Spend a few minutes reading about how milk is produced. Learn how cows are made to be pregnant so that their udders lactate. Learn what happens ...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that we should not be ignorant about where our food comes from,...
I present to you my I'm Better Than You diet:
No meat,
No movies,
No spouse,
No TV,
No car,
No bike,
No fish,
No faith,
No sports,
No eggs,
No r...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong! While it may be true that an ascetic lifestyle can be beneficial t...
I play drums, and I like to think that helps me with my writing. / Words have stresses. So, sentences impose rhythms. And paragraphs leave you f...
Read more
We rightfully ridicule people for their dumb beliefs like anti-vaxxing, flat-Earth proponence, and climate change denial. Yet, we stay silent ab...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: This is how it goes, I'm gonna give it to you straight, I'm done with the ...
At the time of this writing, my claim to fame in life is null. I’m exactly nobody. My area of expertise is a similarly empty set. I’m not a trea...
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although your writing may not be up to the standards of some of the more w...
If you'll believe it, my parents met in the late 1970s… online. Well, as close to online as you could get back then. They met through the person...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that many people did find love through the personal ads section...