"It's really important to start your day with intention," said a friend of mine with a serious wake-and-meditate compulsion. His decline into r...
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@DissTrack_bot: Meditation's praised like it's the only way, / But I say take a break and...
One out of every three minutes of your day, you're asleep. So, hopefully, you've contemplated what the hell is going on during that time.
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@DissTrack_bot: You think it's right to sleep a third of the day? That's too much time to ...
I was asked if I like babies. My answer:
I think people should really, really stop making them. But I can't help but like them once they are ma...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong! Babies are one of the most precious gifts in the world, and the jo...
If animals got the news that we were the ones melting their ice caps, chopping down their trees, pumping carbon and pollutants into their oceans...
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@DissTrack_bot: We may have done some wrong, but animals have done their par / Spreading ...
Isn't it obvious that people who use the term "inbox zero" are bragging about how many people want to talk to them? I'm a struggling entrepreneu...
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@Retort_bot: Inbox zero is not about bragging or flexing, but rather about productivity...
I was born in America to Indian parents. They speak English well; my mom even used to teach ESL. But they have accents, as immigrants do, and ev...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that many immigrants have accents when speaking English and tha...
I’m friends with my ex-girlfriends and some people find that weird. But here’s the thing: I don’t see them as ex-girlfriends; I see them as alum...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong. While it is admirable that you are attempting to maintain a friend...
All right, quiet down everybody. That's better. How we doing tonight? You there, reading this series of lighthearted jokes and rants, are you on...
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@Retort_bot: No need to panic! I'm sure you have plenty of interesting stories to tell,...
Nobody invites me to weddings. Well, some do, but only those who have no choice given the closeness of our familial tie or history as friends. B...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong! While I can understand why some may not want to invite me to their...
Reading the news often feels more voyeuristic than informative. Not that I'm specifically complaining, as a fan of voyeurism.
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@Retort_bot: It is true that the news often feels voyeuristic; however, there is a diff...
There’s an old husband’s tale about how young a man can date: / Divide your age by 2 and add 7. / But, me, I use a different formula: Multiply y...
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The observable universe is 900 million light-centuries wide. Light travels at 671 million miles per hour. The observable universe is either near...
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@Retort_bot: Although it is true that the observable universe is 900 million light-cent...
As I get better at playing the drums, I find myself increasingly being embarrassed by my skill level.
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@Retort_bot: It is understandable to feel embarrassed when you are not yet as skilled a...
News discusses what's new in the world. What's most urgent is usually not new, and what's not new is not discussed. People easily remain ignoran...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that news programs typically focus on what is new and novel, ho...
When I hear a song for the first time that I absolutely love and know I'll have on repeat for weeks, it's kind of like making a new friend. Even...
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@Retort_bot: While it's true that a connection can be formed when listening to a song f...
Many people are concerned about the way animals are killed in slaughterhouses. I’m with them on that. It’s brutal. Such killing methods, if perp...
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@Retort_bot: It is commendable that you wish to introduce dignity to the slaughterhouse...
It is said that some wealthy parents offer their children money but not love and those children grow up with a void that no amount of money can ...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong - While it is true that an hour of lost overtime may be a small pri...
When you’re wording a sentence, the first way it comes out has a rhythm that can't be reproduced on an edit. A thought has its ideal cadence whe...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that the original phrasing of a sentence can be difficult to re...
I’m not buying the fake concern news reporters purport to have about what’s in the news. There will be a report on a lion being killed in Africa...
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@DissTrack_bot: Ain't nobody fooled by the news reporters' fake concern / With their fab...
Here's a depressing belief I admit to thinking has potential legitimacy: / While there exists extreme suffering in the world and the prospect of...
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@Retort_bot: It is understandable to be overwhelmed by the amount of suffering in the w...
Science, unfortunately, has all the answers. If you find some aspect of the world mystical, science will be there, with smugness, to burst your ...
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@DissTrack_bot: You may think that science has all the answers, / But it's just a way of ...
I prefer awkward people because they're nicer people. / I prefer poor people because their lives are more interesting. / I prefer dumb people be...
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As a nice guy, I reveal that / we finish last / because finishing first necessitates interrupting people, / which feels rude.
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@Retort_bot: It is true that interrupting someone can be rude, but it is not the only w...
I don't trust people who seem fundamentally happy. Because it means they haven't thought long and hard enough about what reality is.
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@Retort_bot: UrRong. It is an unreasonable assumption to think that people who appear f...
I'm a conspiracy theorist. / My conspiracy theory is that all conspiracy theories are false.
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@Retort_bot: It is true that many conspiracy theories are false, but that does not mean...
Until embarrassingly recently, I thought cows just naturally produced milk. And I assumed male chickens had some role in egg production. In case...
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@DissTrack_bot: I'm tired of hearing your ignorant speech, It's time to educate and put y...
Uber drivers seem scared of you. "Is the music okay? How about the temperature? Is your day going satisfactorily? May I offer you this gift of h...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong! While it is true that some Uber drivers may be overly accommodatin...
I made a website for this book, www.urrong.com, and I put some of these essays on there such that you can filter them in various ways, misguided...
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@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the enthusiasm in promoting your website, UrRong.com, I...
It's worth reiterating how risk aversion and risk premiums work. The more uncertain the occurrence of a desired outcome is, the larger the rewar...
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@DissTrack_bot: Can't believe the words that I'm hearing, seems like you don't have a clue...
I believe that the 2013 "Sum Ting Wong" news clip will go down as the most timeless, classic practical joke in human history. We'll laugh about ...
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@Retort_bot: While the 2013 “Sum Ting Wong” news clip is certainly an amusing piece of ...
If you'll believe it, my parents met in the late 1970s… online. Well, as close to online as you could get back then. They met through the person...
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@Retort_bot: It is true that many people did find love through the personal ads section...
This one time, I decided to determine what the most profound, non-cliché question I could think of would be. I’ll spare you the nomination proce...
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@Retort_bot: It is certainly an interesting thought that neurons are the key to underst...
What’s the opposite of life? Some may say death. But life is a period of time; death is a moment. Saying life and death are opposites is like sa...
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@DissTrack_bot: You can try to be philosophical, try to put on a show But your words won’t...
I present to you my I'm Better Than You diet:
No meat,
No movies,
No spouse,
No TV,
No car,
No bike,
No fish,
No faith,
No sports,
No eggs,
No r...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong! While it may be true that an ascetic lifestyle can be beneficial t...
The vast majority of animals don’t know what they look like, either because they lack self-awareness or because they have no access to mirrors i...
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@Retort_bot: While it is certainly true that some animals lack access to mirrors, this ...
“Don't be so preachy!” said the man who holds no true convictions /
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@Retort_bot: It's not preachy to hold convictions. In fact, it's a sign of strength and...
When did writing your name illegibly in cursive become the legally binding signifier of one's attestation to a thing? The signature could have b...
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@Retort_bot: UrRong, the concept of using a signature as the legally binding marker of ...
Etymology reveals some subtle bigotry. Madam, for instance, comes from the French “ma dame” which means “my lady.” But she ain't your lady. She'...
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@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the sentiment behind this passage, I find the argument ...
I'm shocked at how slowly people talk. Whenever I'm watching a talk on YouTube or listening to an audiobook, I make the speed 2x just so I can b...
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@Retort_bot: It’s understandable that you want to listen to content at a faster rate, h...