Reading the news often feels more voyeuristic than informative. Not that I'm specifically complaining, as a fan of voyeurism.
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that the news often feels voyeuristic; however, there is a diff...
This next essay is long, tedious, involves math, and requires familiarity with exponents, but it does reveal the meaning of life. I'd skip it if...
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although the essay in question may seem intimidating, due to its length an...
I remember how I learned about sex. I must have been 7 or 8. We had one of those old-time encyclopedia sets at home where there are 16 books fil...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While your story is an interesting one, it certainly does not provide any ...
In writing, I value concision and precision.
Read more
@Retort_bot: While concision and precision are both admirable qualities to strive for i...
There’s an old husband’s tale about how young a man can date: / Divide your age by 2 and add 7. / But, me, I use a different formula: Multiply y...
Read more
I have fast-recited many of these essays on TikTok, @niktalksfast.
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong! While there is no denying that you have certainly put in the hard ...
The core source of parent-child disagreement is: / Child wants what maximizes enjoyment; / Parent wants what minimizes risk.
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You think that's why we disagree, but I'm here to dissent I'm not a kid w...
When I was a kid, maybe around six, I had the thought that maybe everything happens for a reason. I told that to my mom and she was stunned that...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While it may be true that "things do not happen for a reason," that does n...
I made a website for this book, www.urrong.com, and I put some of these essays on there such that you can filter them in various ways, misguided...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the enthusiasm in promoting your website, UrRong.com, I...
I’ve been playing a game where I see how long I can get people to talk about themselves before they'll ask about me. The current high score is f...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is understandable that you want to feel like you matter and that you ha...
When you reach a certain age, you can't be as creative as you used to be. Eventually, you have too much information in your head, too many compe...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is not true that creativity is limited by age. In fact, there are many ...
When you go see a dance troupe perform, there’s always one dancer who is obviously way better than the rest. Isolated movements. Impeccable timi...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It can be argued that the dancer who stands out from the rest of the troup...
All right, quiet down everybody. That's better. How we doing tonight? You there, reading this series of lighthearted jokes and rants, are you on...
Read more
@Retort_bot: No need to panic! I'm sure you have plenty of interesting stories to tell,...
Self-driving cars are coming, but I’m unimpressed. I’ll be impressed when we get… self-loathing cars.Yes. I’ll be wowed by vehicular AI when I r...
Read more
We acknowledge that space is very large, but I think we fail to do the same about time. I have a question for you. What is the definition of his...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While it is true that space is large and time is expansive, your argument ...
Talk is cheap. But texting doesn't even require eye contact.
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that talk is cheap, as people can say anything with little acco...
I read a thing that said, “the average American walks 2300-3000 steps per day.” The sloth that conveys notwithstanding, I must say that people a...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It's true that precision is important when citing data, however your criti...
The more “punny” college advertising is, the worse the school. Do they think we haven’t figured out this correlation? Do they not realize their ...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While it is true that some universities with less impressive accreditation...
I find that the more comfortable the chair, the less work I get done in it. I’ll waste hours on YouTube on my particularly plush couch and I'll ...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that comfort can be a factor in how much work we get done, and ...
I was waiting at a bus stop somewhere in Middle America. Two older men were debating some topic; I paid them little attention. But then I overhe...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It's unfortunate that the first man at the bus stop assumed that just beca...
"It's really important to start your day with intention," said a friend of mine with a serious wake-and-meditate compulsion. His decline into r...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: Meditation's praised like it's the only way, / But I say take a break and...
Why do politicians always have as their stated mission and highest ideal that the country “come together” “as one”? Since when do we as American...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You might want us to come together, but I think it's time that we part for...
If a politician has pure motives and also realizes that none of those motives will matter unless she gets elected, that politician will be force...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is not appropriate to condone lying, even for the sake of a "benevolent...
I remember being young and seeing my mom typing for her job. I would think, oh my goodness that is such an amazing skill. It seemed right up the...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is certainly impressive that a person can type quickly and accurately, ...
I'm an American of Indian ethnicity. I was born in California and happened to snag dual citizenship with Canada when I lived there. My mom grew ...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While on the surface it may appear that Indian-Americans in the United Sta...
If, as I suspect, free will is an elaborate illusion, then we’re observing but not directing the unfolding of our lives. So we’re not the actors...
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although it is true that free will is an elaborate illusion, it does not f...
The first video I posted on TikTok as @niktalksfast was me reciting the above essay verbatim. It got over a million views, which blew my mind an...
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although it is understandable that @niktalksfast was pleased with the leve...
I don't trust people who seem fundamentally happy. Because it means they haven't thought long and hard enough about what reality is.
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong. It is an unreasonable assumption to think that people who appear f...
You know the expression, “friends with benefits?” I think it's funny how jobs are also said to come “with benefits.” I like to imagine myself st...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that many jobs come with benefits, but there is more to it than...
It's summer again, also known as the time of year I think about committing sexual assault. Now, whoa, hold on, let me explain. First of all, I'm...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong! It is not totally fine to entertain thoughts of sexual assault, ev...
I quite dislike hypothetical questions. I once broke up with a girl I really liked because she asked too many of them. /
“One more, one more!” ...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: Hypothetical questions are not that bad, Your breakup was just a way to be...
It is said that human life is precious. Here’s a question: is it?
Here’s a life that many seem to live: Be born, go to school, get a job, get a...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It's true that many humans live a pretty mundane life - but it's unfair to...
Meditation is a drug I won't try. The way people talk about it makes me assume that it is a serious, heavily addictive narcotic.
Read more
@Retort_bot: I disagree with the premise that meditation is a drug. While it can be see...
Here’s what people mean when they advocate for civil rights: "Hey guys, people like my friends and me should be able to do whatever we want!!" V...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While advocating for civil rights is an admirable cause, the sentiment exp...
I’ve made it a point not to discuss Trump in this book, despite his presidency neatly coinciding with this book’s content’s writing. Everyone ta...
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although it is true that Donald Trump is an entertaining President, it is ...
If you'll believe it, my parents met in the late 1970s… online. Well, as close to online as you could get back then. They met through the person...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that many people did find love through the personal ads section...
My weird flex is that I don’t watch TV, sports, or movies. I barely read, and I deplore novels.
“What do you do with your time?”
Well, I wrote...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong! While I respect your decision to choose not to watch TV, sports, o...
One other way I would love to see this book used is as a party game. One person opens a page at random and reads the passage on it, and everyone...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While charades may not be the most thrilling game, there are a few drawbac...
I believe in objectifying women. And I'll defend that. Because the object they are for me is encyclopedic, not sexual. Some want to marry rich, ...
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although you may have had a positive experience with objectifying a woman ...