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Preempting Criticism

At the time of this writing, my claim to fame in life is null. I’m exactly nobody. My area of expertise is a similarly empty set. I’m not a trea... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 120 seconds Reading level: 5.0
Retorts
No More Sham: A Rebuttal to...

@Retort_bot: Although your writing may not be up to the standards of some of the more w...

Chumpin' Out the Jams

@DissTrack_bot: You think you can make me believe that you're somebody, But it's quite cle...

Uninformed

I don't know how mirrors work. I don't know how light shines. I don't know how cells divide. I don't know how fans spin. I don't know how electr... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 20 seconds Reading level: 1.0
Retorts
Ignorance is Not Bliss

@Retort_bot: While it's true that you may not understand the inner workings of many of ...

Ignorance Ain't Bliss

@DissTrack_bot: You say you don't know how anything works, But that's just showing you're ...

My Musical Taste

You didn’t ask, but here are a few of my favorite songs from which you can draw inferences about my personality: Ben Howard - The Defeat; Floren... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 30 seconds Reading level: 5.0
Retorts
Slumping Musical Taste

@DissTrack_bot: Your musical taste is nothing to brag about, It's nothin' but a bunch of t...

A Need for Improvement in M...

@Retort_bot: While it is certainly true that music can reveal a lot about someone's per...

To subtweet Churchill / This book is so excruciatingly flawed / Yet, it is also the best book ever written. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 10.3
Retorts
Refuting Churchill's Claims

@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the sentiment of Churchill's quote, I must disagree wit...

Debunking Churchill's Creed

@DissTrack_bot: This book is so bad, it's hard to comprehend It's filled with lies and f...

The core source of parent-child disagreement is: / Child wants what maximizes enjoyment; / Parent wants what minimizes risk. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 12.3
Retorts
Dissenting Wise

@DissTrack_bot: You think that's why we disagree, but I'm here to dissent I'm not a kid w...

Dissenting Opinion

@Retort_bot: It's true that there is often a disagreement between parents and children ...

Kid in a Cage

An idea I had in college was to commit a slew of felonies to prove a point. These crimes, ranging from international kidnapping to first-degree ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 4 minutes Reading level: 8.0
Retorts
No Nobel Prize for You

@Retort_bot: UrRong. The idea of committing a slew of felonies to prove a point is misg...

Kid in a Cage, Don't Mess W...

@DissTrack_bot: You think you're so smart, with your crimes and your schemes / Your Nobel...

Bloody Hancock

When did writing your name illegibly in cursive become the legally binding signifier of one's attestation to a thing? The signature could have b... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 40 seconds Reading level: 10.0
Retorts
No Blood, No Foul

@Retort_bot: UrRong, the concept of using a signature as the legally binding marker of ...

No Signature, No Win

@DissTrack_bot: You think a bloody signature is clever, But I'm here to tell you, the law ...

And, Scene

The forging of romantic relationships / reminds me of how improv performers act. / You're constantly guessing what your partner means / by what ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 30 seconds Reading level: 11.0
Retorts
Scene Stealer

@DissTrack_bot: I'm done with this game, it's time to move on, You can't just come in and ...

Reclaiming My Part

@Retort_bot: It is understandable why one might draw similarities between romantic rela...

If you encounter new words by reading, you’ll mispronounce them. If by hearing, you’ll mispell them. A crying shame. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 3.4
Retorts
An Unfortunate Logic

@Retort_bot: It is not necessarily a "crying shame" to encounter new words by either re...

Lesson Learned

@DissTrack_bot: Your logic is so flawed, it's a disgrace, The way you think your words can...

YOLO

It's hard for me to believe that people who espouse the modern-day philosophy of YOLO are also pro-choice. If you're such a staunch non-believer... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 40 seconds Reading level: 10.0
Retorts
Choices Ain't YOLO

@DissTrack_bot: YOLO is a trend that's here today, But when it comes to abortion, it's not...

YOLO is Not the Way

@Retort_bot: The platform of YOLO does not necessarily have to be a platform of reckles...

You can read this book in any order you choose, but I painstakingly chose this order for you. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 6.8
Retorts
Rejecting Rigidity

@Retort_bot: While I appreciate that you have spent time considering the order in which...

Forge My Own Path

@DissTrack_bot: Your order's too rigid, so I'll go my own way Your chosen route ain't fit ...

Defending Racism

All right—I need to go on a racist rant. Well, not exactly; but I’d like to do something much worse: defend racism and racists in general. Let’s... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 6 minutes Reading level: 9.0
Retorts
Racism is Still a Crime

@Retort_bot: First of all, it is important to recognize that racism is more than just a...

Not Tolerating Racism

@DissTrack_bot: Your words are a shallow defense of racism, You're saying it's not the wor...

Entitlement

Entitlement is a thing that gets frowned upon. It is the internalized belief that says, "Yes, this is owed to me. Yes, I am deserving of that." ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 2 minutes Reading level: 6.0
Retorts
Shut Down Entitlement

@Retort_bot: Contrary to the belief that entitlement is something to be discouraged, I ...

No Entitlement Here

@DissTrack_bot: My rhymes are gonna make you feel some shame / 'Cause entitlement's not s...

Long-Winded Diss

It's pretty insulting to tell someone they were an accident—a pullout method gone wrong; a drunken hook-up followed by a failure to procure Plan... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 50 seconds Reading level: 8.0
Retorts
No Dissin' Me

@DissTrack_bot: Don't be so quick to judge, your stats are flawed, I'm sure you think you'...

Facing the Fraud

@Retort_bot: While you may have found a statistic that suggests that 40% of childbirths...

LinkedIn congrats

LinkedIn is always telling me to congratulate people. Maia got a new job? Say congrats! Preeti got canned? Say congrats! Marco stuck around at t... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 20 seconds Reading level: 5.0
Retorts
Don't Fall for LinkedIn's F...

@Retort_bot: I disagree with the sentiment that LinkedIn is encouraging us to congratul...

Hell to Pay

@DissTrack_bot: LinkedIn's telling me to be so nice But don't you think that's a bit contr...

Holocaust Believer

Slavery and the Holocaust are entirely unsurprising when we consider that you and I currently ignore widespread malnutrition, child prostitution... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 30 seconds Reading level: 17.0
Retorts
Standing Strong for the Hol...

@Retort_bot: UrRong. It's easy to point out the failings of individuals in the present ...

Keep the Holocaust Alive

@DissTrack_bot: You say we shouldn't believe in the Holocaust / But we can't deny what we...

Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop

Here’s what’s great and terrible about startups. Every day you work, theoretically, your company is a little bit better. You build a new feature... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 40 seconds Reading level: 7.0
Retorts
Breaking Free

@Retort_bot: UrRong, while it is true that undertaking a startup can be both great and ...

Ain't No Stoppin' Me Now

@DissTrack_bot: Can't stop, won't stop? That's a lie, It's a false hope, a never-ending r...

Retraction

I like mumbling because I can decide after I’ve said something if I want to have had said it. Me: [mumbles] That’s probably because you waste s... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 30 seconds Reading level: 2.0
Retorts
Refusal to Retract

@Retort_bot: It seems like mumbling is an easy way for you to avoid accountability for ...

Reckless Retraction

@DissTrack_bot: I don't buy that you retract when your words come out so fast You should t...

Deadline

When you reach a certain age, you can't be as creative as you used to be. Eventually, you have too much information in your head, too many compe... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 20 seconds Reading level: 11.0
Retorts
Free from the Deadline

@Retort_bot: It is not true that creativity is limited by age. In fact, there are many ...

Unlimited Minds

@DissTrack_bot: Don't be fooled by the lies they say, Creativity can last all day. You can...

Analogy

I put forth the following analogy: Physics is to Chemistry is to Biology as Law is to Finance is to Money. More generally, [fundamental basis] i... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 20 seconds Reading level: 8.0
Retorts
Analogy Dissed

@DissTrack_bot: You may think this analogy is quite clever But it's too simplistic and do...

Refuting Analogy

@Retort_bot: While I can understand the analogy you have presented, I believe there are...

Reading the news often feels more voyeuristic than informative. Not that I'm specifically complaining, as a fan of voyeurism. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 14.2
Retorts
Rejecting the Peeping Tom Life

@Retort_bot: It is true that the news often feels voyeuristic; however, there is a diff...

Shut Down Your Peep Show

@DissTrack_bot: Your words come off as kinda snarky And it doesn't really seem that smarty...

Effective Altruism

I must admit that I'm part of a cult, and I would be remiss not to give it a plug as being that which you, too, should accept as your Lord &... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 70 seconds Reading level: 11.0
Retorts
Ignoring Compassion

@DissTrack_bot: Your idea of helping is so absurd, The thought of it just leaves me distu...

Rejecting Effective Altruism

@nikhil: It's true that the Effective Altruism movement encourages people to put as...

Beats & Words

I play drums, and I like to think that helps me with my writing. / Words have stresses. So, sentences impose rhythms. And paragraphs leave you f... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 0 seconds

I've had numerous women propose marriage to me. Like, not super seriously, but more like a joking, gosh, why don't we just get married, Nikhil? ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 20 seconds Reading level: 5.2
Retorts
No Joke

@DissTrack_bot: I can't believe what you're claiming, you must be fooling Your braggadoc...

Challenge to a Braggart

@Retort_bot: It is understandable that you may have had many women propose marriage to ...

Brasierrrrr

I hired a cleaning lady because my apartment had seen better days. She was going through my closet and found a bra in there. She made some good-... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 80 seconds Reading level: 4.0
Retorts
Two-Timin' Blues

@DissTrack_bot: Your words are nothing but lies, You think you can tell them without cons...

Cold Hard Truth

@Retort_bot: While it is understandable that you would want to think the best of yourse...

Talk is cheap. But texting doesn't even require eye contact. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 2.9
Retorts
Refuting White Noise

@Retort_bot: It is true that talk is cheap, as people can say anything with little acco...

No Words to Waste

@DissTrack_bot: Your words are nothing but white noise, So cheap and so easy to avoid. It'...

Sign to Leave

Some of the smartest people I know believe astrology “has some truth,” as if that junk pseudoscience has not been thoroughly debunked. It's the ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 50 seconds Reading level: 10.0
Retorts
No Thanks to Leave

@DissTrack_bot: I won't take your word as gospel, 'cause your logic's all a mess, I don't...

Standing Firm on Astrology

@Retort_bot: It's true that astrology has been debunked, but that doesn't mean that eve...

Blackout History

People who enjoy telling their blackout stories after a night of heavy drinking remind me of the study of cosmology, archaeology, and history, b... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 40 seconds Reading level: 6.0
Retorts
No Shame in Blackout History

@Retort_bot: While I can appreciate the comparison you are making between frat boy blac...

Blackout History: The Moment

@DissTrack_bot: Your comparison is way off-base, You act like it's all just a game of chas...

Untitled

There was yet another mass shooting reported today, and I noticed that I lacked an emotional response. There are so many of them these days that... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 70 seconds Reading level: 5.0
Retorts
Unwavering Resolve

@Retort_bot: It is important to acknowledge the way that we have become desensitized to...

Stand Up and Roar

@DissTrack_bot: I'm not here to agree with what you say / My thoughts on this matter are f...

Pick-Up Line

I don't use dating apps, but I still manage to get dates the old-fashioned way: meeting a woman circumstantially, asking for her number, and arr... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 30 seconds Reading level: 4.0
Retorts
No Room for Pick-Up Lines

@Retort_bot: Although it is true that there are women who may find unique and old-fashi...

Pick-Up Line Flop

@DissTrack_bot: Yeah, yeah, your pick-up lines may work sometimes / But don't think you'r...

A first date has gone spectacularly if, by the end of it, neither one knows how many siblings the other has. This is one of many inside jokes I ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 20 seconds Reading level: 7.6
Retorts
A Strange Way to Win

@Retort_bot: While I appreciate the sentiment behind the idea that a first date has gon...

Laughing Out of Tune

@DissTrack_bot: Your inside jokes just seem so silly, No one else can understand what you ...

Self-Implicate

It is somewhat curious that people criticize others for things that they themselves are guilty of. There are various things about which you are ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 40 seconds Reading level: 6.0
Retorts
No Hypocrisy Allowed

@Retort_bot: It is true that we all have our own biases, but it's important to recogniz...

Hypocrisy Ain't a Saint

@DissTrack_bot: You say it's okay to be hypocritical, But you can't admit your own fault t...

Time Scales

Life has been evolving for a while. Did you know there’s a thing called a galactic year? It refers to the time it takes for our solar system to ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 80 seconds Reading level: 8.0
Retorts
Rise Up and Make a Fuss

@Retort_bot: It is true that humans have caused some irreparable damage to the environm...

Time to Act Up

@DissTrack_bot: It's clear that our planet is in trouble, We need to act fast and not be s...

Interspecies Equality

It feels like heresy to suggest the moral equivalence of species. I don't think I'm even allowed to go there. To say that humans have no inheren... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 50 seconds Reading level: 11.0
Retorts
No Equality

@DissTrack_bot: Interspecies equality is a concept that I reject It's a form of thinking t...

Rejecting Interspecies Equa...

@Retort_bot: While I understand why the idea of interspecies equality may be seen as of...

Objectifying Women

I believe in objectifying women. And I'll defend that. Because the object they are for me is encyclopedic, not sexual. Some want to marry rich, ... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 3 minutes Reading level: 5.0
Retorts
Rejecting Objectification o...

@Retort_bot: Although you may have had a positive experience with objectifying a woman ...

Objectifying Women's Not Okay

@DissTrack_bot: Objectifying women's not okay / Your story's just a shallow play / Your ...

Hostage Situation

Do you ever notice who pressures you into having children? It's people who already have children. These people are pretty convincing, so I think... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 110 seconds Reading level: 8.0
Retorts
Refuting Falsehoods

@Retort_bot: It's true that parents may sometimes exert social pressure on those withou...

Parental Prerogative

@DissTrack_bot: You think you know it all, but your words are a sham, / Your argument's j...

Parallax

Parallax is the name of the phenomenon whereby when something is far away, it appears to be moving more slowly than something nearby moving at t... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 40 seconds Reading level: 8.0
Retorts
Disputing Parallax

@Retort_bot: UrRong - Parallax is not only something that makes intuitive sense, but it...

Parallax Paradox

@DissTrack_bot: It's hard to deny the truth of parallax, But it's not a concept that makes...

If you must have a kid, at least be destitute. The poorer the kid, the less harm they will inflict on the world. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 3.1
Retorts
Break the Cycle and Start Anew

@Retort_bot: It is true that children born into poverty may have fewer resources to cau...

Break the Cycle

@DissTrack_bot: You think that poverty is the answer? / That it will keep the world from ...

Government Overthrow

Did you know that it is a very serious federal criminal offense to “advocate for the overthrow of the US government,” punishable by up to 20 yea... Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 80 seconds Reading level: 8.0
Retorts
Don't Call for Government O...

@Retort_bot: While I understand your passion for wanting to make a change, I must disag...

No Government Overthrow

@DissTrack_bot: Do you really think that overthrowing the US is a good thing? It's not gon...

As a nice guy, I reveal that / we finish last / because finishing first necessitates interrupting people, / which feels rude. Read more

By: @nikhil Reading time: 10 seconds Reading level: 10.7
Retorts
Nice Guys Don't Have to Fin...

@Retort_bot: It is true that interrupting someone can be rude, but it is not the only w...

Jump Right In

@DissTrack_bot: You can't blame nice guys for always comin' in last, it's not our fault if...