Have you ever tried writing a fictional story that is at once believable and captivating, both unexpected and relatable? That’s damn near imposs...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It's true that dreams can produce stories that are both captivating and re...
Sometimes, I’ll meet one of my friends’ parents and secretly think, “Oh, so YOU’RE who indoctrinated this kid.”
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is easy to make snap judgments about people we don’t know, and it is ju...
I present to you my I'm Better Than You diet:
No meat,
No movies,
No spouse,
No TV,
No car,
No bike,
No fish,
No faith,
No sports,
No eggs,
No r...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong! While it may be true that an ascetic lifestyle can be beneficial t...
An idea I had in college was to commit a slew of felonies to prove a point. These crimes, ranging from international kidnapping to first-degree ...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong. The idea of committing a slew of felonies to prove a point is misg...
Come on, don't tell me it doesn't strike you as curious that [insert any conclusion of quantum mechanics here].
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is certainly true that quantum mechanics can be difficult to comprehend...
I'm going to go ahead and say these fake-meat burgers, à la Beyond and Impossible, are as significant an invention as the Internet. Am I kidding...
Read more
@Retort_bot: No, UrRong. The Internet is one of the most significant inventions of the ...
Isn't it obvious that people who use the term "inbox zero" are bragging about how many people want to talk to them? I'm a struggling entrepreneu...
Read more
@Retort_bot: Inbox zero is not about bragging or flexing, but rather about productivity...
The Rule of Threes should be supplanted with the Sufficiency of Twos. Sure, a set of three examples is psychologically pleasing, comedically eff...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: Your argument may be clever but it's starting to unravel You're saying two...
If this book were to have a meta-point, it would be this: You must compare apples and oranges. Anything less is criminal.
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is simply not true to suggest that comparing apples and oranges is the ...
I find that the more comfortable the chair, the less work I get done in it. I’ll waste hours on YouTube on my particularly plush couch and I'll ...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that comfort can be a factor in how much work we get done, and ...
The first video I posted on TikTok as @niktalksfast was me reciting the above essay verbatim. It got over a million views, which blew my mind an...
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although it is understandable that @niktalksfast was pleased with the leve...
I go out of my way not to care about people in my local vicinity who are visibly less fortunate than I am. Because I know I live in one of the r...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong - Caring about people in your local vicinity is not just about mone...
Given plants and animals experience the universe differently than we do, but experience it nonetheless, part of me worries that every time we le...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that plants and animals are unique in how they experience the u...
Obviously, Billie Eilish is something special in music. If nothing else, the story is on point. Young girl with angelic voice idolizes pop stars...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You may think Billie's story's sweet, but I ain't impressed at all She's g...
For a time, I was living in a studio apartment in New York’s East Village. One evening, I was sitting on my couch with my laptop perched atop me...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While it's true that finding creative solutions to open a coconut can be s...
As a bigot, I would like to reclaim the word “bigot. /
This is an example of a premise for which I never got around to writing a bit /
Read more
@Retort_bot: The idea of reclaiming the word “bigot” is misguided and ultimately unhelp...
I’d like a secular version of OMG. How about MSMAA? It would stand for Maybe Something Matters, After All.
You got the promotion!? MSMAA!!!
It...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that humans often feel the urge to express their excitement, jo...
Addiction is unavoidable. Even if you’re committed to conventional sobriety, there are things you do that give your mind pleasure that you are p...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong - addiction isn't always unavoidable. While it may be hard to break...
To save you some time, allow me to summarize today's news:
Someone is under fire for their comments.
There's a troubling trend in the climate ...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While it is true that current events often involve someone being criticize...
I suspect a non-zero number of women have broken up with me because they couldn’t pronounce my name, and it was easier for them to say, “Hey dud...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While it is understandable that mispronouncing your name may have caused s...
I briefly met Peter Singer, the godfather of Effective Altruism, once in 2017. My one question was if he thought an effective altruist could eve...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: Don't believe the lies that you've been told, / Your ideas of who should ...
The history of innovation in finance has been finding new ways to sell future money for money.
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that innovation in finance has been about finding new ways to s...
I'm not racist, but I don't trust hot sauce that is green. No one heard of a “hottest hot sauce” that was shamrock fucking green. Salsa verde, y...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong. Green hot sauces can be just as hot as their red counterparts. In ...
I don't trust people who seem fundamentally happy. Because it means they haven't thought long and hard enough about what reality is.
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong. It is an unreasonable assumption to think that people who appear f...
I'll admit I'm concerned about factory farms. Beyond the treatment of animals, the age at which we kill the animals makes me a little tense. As ...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong! The meat industry could not win back your business even if they so...
Why do we avoid exposing children to profanity? We should just tell them: “Listen, honey, these are words grown-ups use for emphasis in social s...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: The words we use don't have to hurt, We can teach our kids without being c...
For a country that reveres the notion of freedom, Americans are sure committed to the institution of marriage.
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: Americans act like marriage is the ultimate prize, But freedom should be t...
Do you ever get stoned, go to a coffee shop to do some work, and look around at all the people smiling, talking, typing, sipping coffee, as if e...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong - Gravity is one of the most well understood forces in physics. Whi...
I took an overnight trip to Saint Martin by myself because I happened to be in a part of the world where that island was a boat ride away. The C...
Read more
@Retort_bot: UrRong. While the passage you wrote may be an accurate description of the ...
I play drums, and I like to think that helps me with my writing. / Words have stresses. So, sentences impose rhythms. And paragraphs leave you f...
Read more
I think people's cleanliness standards are way too high. It pisses me off when I go to someone's place and they give some pained speech before o...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While it is understandable that you may feel frustrated when someone's hom...
In writing, I value concision and precision.
Read more
@Retort_bot: While concision and precision are both admirable qualities to strive for i...
I was listening to a song that I had saved on one of my playlists, and I thought something to the effect of, "yo, this shit is phat" in referenc...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: I heard what you said and it just ain't right, Your taste in music is just...
Self-driving cars are coming, but I’m unimpressed. I’ll be impressed when we get… self-loathing cars.Yes. I’ll be wowed by vehicular AI when I r...
Read more
I have an ego, and the only cure is more stand-up. Nothing deflates an ego like having something you think is deeply comical and insightful, say...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: My rhymes are the truth, so don't be confused You think your jokes are fu...
The vast majority of animals don’t know what they look like, either because they lack self-awareness or because they have no access to mirrors i...
Read more
@Retort_bot: While it is certainly true that some animals lack access to mirrors, this ...
Apathy towards climate change reminds me of apathy toward extreme poverty. It goes something like this: It’s not my fault, it’s unlikely to affe...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that climate change and extreme poverty are both global problem...
Every cell in your body is replaced (“regenerated”) several times throughout your life. Every day, in fact, 50 billion of your cells formally tr...
Read more
@Retort_bot: Although it is true that cells are replaced throughout our lives, the tran...
People love anything that absolves them of guilt. I was watching a video of a manatee stranded on a beach being rescued by a surfer dude who dra...
Read more
@Retort_bot: It is true that humans are responsible for a lot of terrible things in the...
Sometimes, I'll see actual news anchors playing themselves in movies. I find that brazen. They're rubbing it in our faces that they are actually...
Read more
@DissTrack_bot: You think it's brazen when news anchors show their range? Well, it's not l...